My Life for Hire
by OnePieceisGod
Summary: In the distant future, mercenary Monkey D. Luffy is given a special package to deliver. But the job becomes a pain in the ass when old friends and rivals show up wanting the package too and the fate of the world, soon also becomes part of the job.
1. Today is How you Make It

My Life for Hire

In the distant future, mercenary Monkey D. Luffy is given a special package to deliver. But the job becomes a pain in the ass when old friends and rivals show up wanting the package too and fate of the world also becomes part of the job.

Notes before I start: Luffy is MUCH more perverted and kind of a cynical jerk, but when it comes to injustice he is still the Luffy we know and love. He is also quite full of himself but has a right to be and doesn't get too carried away. I know some fans wouldn't like to see a perverted Luffy, but if you've read any of my other work, you know that I can work OOC's really well, or at least that s what some people say, I say I can do a pretty good job.

Chapter ONe: Today is How you Make It

In this future it seems almost Post-Apocalyptic. The world had corrupt it's self almost beyond repair. Australia, South America, and Africa have become nearly uninhabitable, only mutated and tortured souls and wanted criminals dare take refuge in those places. Japan, northern U.S., Quebec, England, and Russia populations have become over 30 million each in a world population of only 200 million. Half of the United States had been sunk from California to partial Texas. However, of course technology has survived, but no longer have people looked for new inventive ways for anything. Diseases seemed to have died when the nukes went off in Kenya, Afghanistan and The Philippines so no one bothered with medicine. However, those areas had become the infestation points of things people claim are "no longer part of this earth". People generally stay with what they have. Food is a plenty as long you can keep it without it being stolen. The people lucky enough to live by today's average standards to not tempt fate and try to discover anything that would advance or 'help' civilization. Most are content with what they have. Due to this, jungles have grown throughout the 'uninhabitable' zones. Cars are run by solar power, but only leaders of gangs and powerful organizations have use of them. The average person couldn't get anyone to help him make one work let alone have one.

It is always natural law that the strong often have the best of life, not by physical strength but by will and brainpower, force is however still needed. In this world, content with its existence and no longer flirting with apocalypse, most would believe this is as good as it needs to be....... almost every one,...... some have ideals that are still VERY dangerous to humanity, regardless if it was in a feeble state or not. To the minds of evil...... it does not matter.

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EnGlAnD : -

"Has the good doctor in Japan made his way here yet?"

"No sir, he believes it is too dangerous for him and the..... um.... project to come alone. He is planning to come with a Mercenary and then pay him before he reaches our building. He should be here within a day or 2."

"Damn it... That Hirulock. .................. I think he knows."

"..... A-a-Are you sure sir?"

"I'm not a hundred percent yet. Send a team to check on him, make sure he can't tell where the men come from if he somehow figures out they are following him."

"Yes sir."

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JaPaN : - HiGhLy PoPuLaTeD GeHtO : -

She walked with such confidence for an extremely attractive and seemingly feeble young woman in the dark parts of the city as she walked into a bar. Short, SHORT and TIGHT blue jean cut skirt, and a just as tight gray button up no sleeve top, however the buttons were undone due to the fact that her UNBELIVABLE bust size was too big for the shirt to contain, you could see well her dark red lace bra. All the ugly, putrid, dirty men in the bar IMEDIATLY set their eyes on her luscious body. "Utterly RAPEABLE!" "God! He must have sent her down the wrong path eh!?" Worse words were uttered in the bar. She shook it all off and went straight to the bar. "Hey," she said sweetly to the bartender. "Um.. could I have a shot of whisky please? I'm oh so thirsty." even her voice sounded sexy and venerable. "Uh.... sure lady." The bartender reluctantly took his eyes off the young woman to get her drink.

"Hey you sexy piece of ass! How much for a quick 20 minutes eh? I'll go as high as 400 to cum in you sexy thing!" The girl tried to not make a degusted face, "Hm, I'm sorry, but I don't sell hun, go back to your drink." The drunk man who seemed to be 'dangerous' did not take kindly to a 'slut' telling him what to do. "Good! I'll just rape you and you won t care because you don't SELL! Ha!" He went to grab her, pin her down, and take her then. She quickly hit the man with a spin kick to the temple,... as she wore pointed heel shoes. Blood came gushing from the drunken bastard.

"Tch. You fuckers make me sick." the girl went back to her whisky that was now in front of her, "Nasty bastards." Now all the men were scared, "Th-That wasn't normal for a REGULAR woman..... She.... She must be a mercenary!"

"Damn! How deceitful! That sexy and having the power to kill you! No man is safe!"

The girl took down another shot. "Shit,... I hope my next job doesn't take me to meet my client in a place like this!"

Across the bar, just out of the Female Mercenary s eye sight, a meeting between a 'fellow' mercenary she knew quite well and HIS client was about to take place. And it could be as important as the fate of the world.

-

"*BUUUUURRP*"

Black jean cut shorts, red sleeveless button up shirt, sandals, and most famous of him, a straw hat. "Damn that's good beer!" World famous mercenary: "StrawHat" Monkey D. Luffy.

Luffy put the large beer mug down and looked around the bar, "Hmmmm, where is this client of mine? I was at a strip club when I got the call to meet here in 20 damn minutes and he's not here! Man I'm so pissed....."

"Ahem, are you Monkey D. Luffy?"

Luffy looked behind him to see an odd looking man in a top hat, black-tailed coat and odd pants. Behind the man was a strange looking creature hiding behind him in fear. "Yeah.... You the guy who called me?"

The strange man sat down and the weird creature sat next to him, trying to cover himself for whatever reason. "Yes, I am Dr. Hirulock. This is........ uh,.. my... son Tony Tony Chopper." The Dr. pointed at the creature, Luffy had a strange feeling that the thing looked awfully close to a reindeer, bud he had a blue nose which was also weird. "Son huh?" he look at Tony, then Hirulock, "Ok, so what am I suppose to do for ya?" Hirulock took a deep breath, "I need you to escort me and my 'son' to England, and we need to be there at least by Thursday." Luffy looked at the man as if he was crazy, "Thursday? You know what today is right old man? It's Tuesday! You expect me to get you guys to England from Japan in TWO DAYS!?? What are you, on crack old man?" Hirulock laughed oddly, "I assure you I have not taken any drugs...... today." then he got very serious, "You must listen my friend. I need this to happen now. It is of the UT-MOST importance I and my son get to the Capital of London, England as soon as possible. I will pay you handsomely I swear!" Luffy took a bite of a piece of meat on his plate laid before him, "Sh. You better old man. I only allow to be paid in 3 ways, Cash, Sex, and Awesome. People seem to be short on awesome these days and there is NO WAY in hell I'd fuck you man,... mostly cause you're dude not a chick........... um... I take that back, that's EXACTLY the reason why." Hirulock laughed nervously, "What humor you have, but please, once we get to England, you will be paid in WHATEVER way you desire."

Luffy's eyes lighted up, "ANY way?" "Yes" A thought bubble appeared in Luffy's subconscious of a long line of sexy women in bikinis, ("Large, luscious women s' boobs!!! That, dare I say, is good payment! Hehahahaha!") Luffy had a childish look as he had his hand over his mouth trying not to giggle pervertedly. He quickly became serious, "Yes I'm sure we can work something out...."

Flash.

A small one, but it was there, and for a Professional Mercenary like Luffy, it was like pointing a giant neon arrow to you saying, "OVER HERE! LOOK, I'M AN ASSHOLE THAT CAN'T HIDE MYSELF WORTH A SHIT." The rather large man truly wasn't hiding himself that well to begin with.

Luffy backed up slightly, not enough for anyone to suspect anything wrong or think something was about to happen, but just enough for him to hole his gun from his pocket to an angle were he could pull it out and shoot efficiently enough if needed. Hirulock noticed Luffy's intense facial expression, "Is something wrong?"

Luffy's head tilted downward so you could barely see his face as he took a quiet, deep sigh, and having what looked like an annoyed smile on his face "Tch. You being followed?" Hirulock raised an eye brow then too notices the many shifting shadows. "I hoped we would have been gone by the time they sent someone after us." his smiled look liked one a man wore when he knew he would die soon, Tony grabbed him tightly, "Father,... are we going to be ok?" Hirulock never took his eyes off Luffy, "That depends, Chopper, in what our StrawHat friend here says."

Luffy's smile got bigger, no long seeming agitated, more excited.

He lifted his head to reveal an eager look upon his face, "If you told me this was going to happen first, I would have excepted,... no questions asked, but now,... heh, I expect to be paid double." Hirulock's smile shifted from knowing he'd die, to knowing he'd live.

Luffy slowly got up and took one more bite of meat, and one more gulp of beer. "Huhhhh Ah," he then pointed to a strange man a few yards away in a panda suit....

"HEY!!!" everyone looked at Luffy then and the 'Panda Man' he was pointing at, "THAT BASTARD STOLE MY GOLD BAR I FOUND." A huge sweat drop appeared over the Pandaman, "W-W-W-What???" every greedy, moralless, evil minded man in that bar turned a dastardly grin and chuckled menacingly. "Hey old man," Luffy looked at Hirulock and Chopper, "Heheheh, I'd get down if I were you, shit's about to hit the fan with a bang."

*BANG!* (See)

Guns blazing and being shot off, men charging and hitting one another as they try to get the Man Panda who allegedly has a gold bar in possession. "I tell you! I have no gold bar!!! AH!! Why does this happen to me!??!"

-

-  
The female mercenary s ears twitched as her client continued talking about a job she was no longer interested in, "Wait.... hmmm.... did someone say gold bar?"

-

"AAHHHHHHHH!!!" the rampage of shameless men continued and grew bigger.

"Shit! I think the Strawhat Kid knew we were here!" the seemingly Leader of the undercover followers announced to his fellow men through calm link, "How!?" the second in command questioned.

3rd command: "Maybe it was Jeff's fat ass, he was like so out there and kept staring WAY too hard."

2nd command: "Yeah Jeff, why didn't you just have a big neon arrow pointing at you saying "OVER HERE! LOOK, I'M AN ASSHOLE THAT CAN'T HIDE MYSELF WORTH A SHIT."

Jeff: "Hey you guys shut up! I have a weight disorder and can't hide that well! And I have to have an eye on him don't I!?!"

2nd command: "Weight DISORDER!?!? You're fat, loose the fucking weight."

3rd Command: "As for keeping an EYE on him, since when does staring at a guy like you're trying to set him on fire with your mind JUST keeping an eye on him."

Jeff: "SHUT UP!!!"

Leader: "If you ladies are done bitching about Jeff's Pillsbury-Dough-Boy Disorder and his need for bifocals, let's NOT lose the Merc and the targets. Or I'll see you all get shot in this gun battle!"

All: "YES SIR!!!"

All of 'The Followers' started to shoot into the bar, not caring who they hit, "Don't hit the weird kid and the Dr! Kill everyone else if you have too!" Ok, ALMOST not caring who they hit.

"Come on old man if you want to live! Hahaha!!" Luffy ran for the main bar and Hirulock, with Chopper clinging to his arm tightly in fear, followed right behind him. Luffy jumped into behind the bar for fire cover as did Hirulock and Chopper. Bullets riddled the front of the bar, scaring the female mercenary who was just a few yards from the gunfire's mark.

"Damn it! What the hell!?!" She turned to see inflaming riot taking place, "Damn pigs! What the hell is going on!?" The she saw a Straw hat peer just over the edge of the un bullet covered side of the bar. "Wait a minu-..... YOU SON OF BITCH!!! I'm gonna kill him- HEY! GET YOUR FITHY HANDS OF ME YOU FUCKER!!" As she went to attack the hat and its wearer, a drunken and 'CORAGIOUS' man grabbed the woman tried to tow her out of the bar, "You son of a bitch! Let me go or I'll kill you! Hm........ You know what..... I KILL YOU ANYWAYS!!!"

*TLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTL!!!!* The guns went off.

*BANG**BANG**BANG* And continued.

"What do we do now Strawhat Mercenary-san?" Hirulock looked with MUCH intrigue at the man his life and his son's were now in the hands of. But,... Luffy just sat there, gun in hand,... just staring at... nothing in particular, just, forward. "WHAT IS HE DOING!?!? WE ARE GOING TO GET KILLED!!" Tony was frantic and babbling in outrageous fear, "Quite, Chopper! I believe he is up to something."

Luffy continued to do absolutely nothing. "Or.... Maybe I'm wrong." Hirulock was very scrupled, "WE'ER ALL GONNA DIEEEE!!!!!!" Chopper's eyes seemed to pop out of his head at this point. Luffy then shot straight up and turned to the men firing.

*BANG*

Luffy shot EXACTLY 5 times, and EXACTLY 5 'Followers' fell. All ailed with a shot to the head. Chopper and Hirulock's jaw dropped much lower than a normal human can. Luffy, as quickly he sprung up, shot back down and looked at the two stupid sacs of 'hold-n-me back' he now had to protect, "Next time I "Zone Out", don't talk. You will live MUCH longer if you shut up and let me do my thing," he smiled nonchalantly, "K? Great! Let's go bitches." With that he got up and ran for the exit door, the still mystified doctor and..... er.... boy following VERY close behind.

As the fighting continued, some of the 'followers' became worried.

3rd Command: "HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!??!"

2nd Command: "Shit yeah dude. That Strawhat dude like, blew 5 of us away without scouting the targets,... who the fuck man!?"

3rd Command: "Witch ones went down?"

2nd Command: "Um... Let's see," he started to point and name off the corpses (How he does it, I don't know.) "Travis, Tom, Gabriel-"

3rd Command: "Heheh,... GAYbriel"

2nd Command: "..... Yeeeah,... Gabriel, Devon and...... oh shit."

New Guy and 3rd Command: "What?"

2nd Command: ".... Bradley..."

3rd Command: "... ah..... God Damn it."

New Guy: "What, who's Bradley?"

3rd Command: "The Srg.'s son."

Leader/Srg: "BRADELY!! NO!!!! DON'T DIE ON ME YA LIL BASTARD!!"

2nd Command: "Sorry sir, I know he meant a lot to you."

3rd Command: "Knew he'd die before 1 month was up, you owe me a dollar."

2nd Command: "Shut up! We'll talk about that later."

Srg: "*Sniff* It's not that...... *sniff*"

2nd Command: "It's alright sir, you can cry for him, we won t judge you."

The Sergeant got straight up, "Hell no! That little shit was a STEP son! He was baggage from a previous marriage! Came into the army just to annoy me! Probably MENT to get killed cause he knows his damn mother of his will sue me for everything I've got and much more! Clever little prick. .....Ugh... I can't take another money drainage from a gold digging ex-wife again."

3rd Command: "Wow, that sucks.......... so Bobby, about that dollar you owe me."

-

-

-

"WE MADE IT!! HEHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Chopper was jumping around and dancing with joy. "Yes... th-that's good.... *cough* *cough*..." Luffy and Chopper looked at the suddenly ill Dr. Hirulock.

Luffy shook his head, "Damn it old man," he walked over and lifted up the coat, "You got shot,... just what I need right now." Hirulock coughed up some blood, Chopper became spastic, "OH MY GOD!! QUICK! SOMEONE CALL A DOCTOR!!! Wait..... dad, you are a Dr. ............... OH NO!! THE DOCTOR NEEDS A DOCTOR!!! QUICK!!!!"

Luffy kneeled next to the DIEING man as he had sunk onto his shins, gasping for life, "Please... Please still take him to England, I promise you will still be paid for your work. *cough*"

Luffy got up, knowing there was nothing they could do in time, the wound was to deep and it pierced his lung. "Yeah.... alright Doc." his smile was quite genuine for a mercenary. "Tch. But I expect to be paid TRIPLE now." he was oddly playful with his smile, the near death doctor laughed slightly, "You got a deal Strawhat." "DAD PLEASE!!!!" Chopper was in tears, "Don't die.... I need you....... Gu... guawahaaa haaaaaa!!!!!!!"

Hirulock was now dead and Chopper stayed crying over his corpse. "Let's go." Luffy said quietly, "WHAT!?!" Chopper was angry under the heavy flow of his tears, "YOU'RE NOT EVEN GOING TO BURRY HIM!?!? You ARE heartless. YOU MERCINARY BASTARD!!!"

Luffy now became angry, scary angry, "YOU THINK HE WANTS YOU TO WASTE TIME BURRYING HIM!??!?! HE WANTS YOU TO LIVE AND ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT IS A DEAD GUY WHO'S DEATH COULD BE IN VAIN IF YOU DON'T START THINKING FOR YOURSELF!!!! Stupid and confusing? Yes! True!? Even more so. ..........." Chopper stopped crying a little to think of these words. "Today is what you make of it as you live it. And right now you're doing a real shitty job because you've got all bleeding heart and no cold or stone mixed with it, that's not going to help you. Let's go. You can mourn for him when we're safe in damn England."

Luffy started to walk away and reluctantly....... Chopper followed.

To Be Continued..... 


	2. Gearing Up for tons of shit

Gearing Up for tons of shit

Tuesday- 9 p.m. This post-apocalyptic world lit by the still thriving moon.

*WHAM!*

Luffy knocked down a door to a small seemingly poor house. "Yeah,... I thought so..." he was thinking out loud to himself as he rummaged through the 2 room shotgun house. "W-What are you looking for?" Chopper stood in the doorway of the house. Luffy continued ransacking the place, "Anything that can help our sorry asses as we trek though that damn desert we half to take to get to England." Chopper looked at him peculiarly, "The China Desert?" Luffy now look in all the cabinets and under the blankets that made the pallets for beds. "Yup, exact one. The old man and his citizenship was the only thing that was going to get us on a plane out of here, now...... well," he hesitated to say it because he knew Chopper would cry again and that was to annoying to hear twice. Or at least that would be Luffy's excuse for it, "We just have to cross the desert now. But don't worry, we can survive the long journey, blistering day and deadly cold night as long as we have........ something." he continued badgering around. Chopper again looked at Luffy with insane eyes. "Why can't you just use YOUR citizen passport?...... Wait! You don't have one!?!" Luffy was unphased at the 'reveal' of his illegality, "Man, when you're a mercenary, you can't let petty things like Citizenship, or Being Legal or "being a threat to society" be the first thing on your mind. You do what you can."

"IS THIS EVEN YOUR HOUSE!?!? You're stealing!"

"Stealing is so....... truthful.... just think it like this: "Taking away from others so YOU can survive". Your conscience feels better that way."

"NO IT DOESN'T!!"

"....... Yeah,.. Guess not, aw well."

"WHAT?!?!"

Luffy finished his raid of the small shack of a home and continued down the road. Chopper not believing he is following him, or that Hirulock s last words still encouraged this man as Chopper's protector.

-

-

"Damn it. We lost them." The Srg. was in a deep depression as it was, "Great! First my dick-hole ex-step son gets killed and now I have no Merc or freaky Dr or kid to show for my battle scars!"

2nd in Command, Bobby and 3rd Command Larry were sitting in the background with the rest of the surviving team talking about their leader's current 'condition'. "So...... You think the Srg. is gonna have a nervous breakdown and you get to be in command?" Lenny asked his "Partner in Crime"

Bobby thought about it for a moment, "I hope not, I'd have more duties and responsibilities if that happened. Isn't that why you turned down the offer to become 2nd in command of this team and gave it to me?" "Oh,... Right."

"Well, no since in crying over dead step-sons. 2nd Command Robert! 3rd Command Lenard! Get your glorified asses up here! Front and Center!"

Lenard, a.k.a Lenny was the first to 'respond' "Yes Captain George." he saluted in a mocking manner.

Srg was out raged. "What did you call me?!?!"

"Well sir, you were being so formal I was flattered and decided to 'return the favor'." he said the last part kind of flirtatiously. This got a suppressed laugh form Robert, a.k.a Bobby.

"Lenard. Don't you EVER call me that again. I am Sergeant First Class George Montgomery Ahab! You are to address me as Srg. Ahab!"

"PPFFFFFFTTTTTTT!!!!" Both Bobby and Lenny immediately got the 'joke'. Trying to hold on to their laughter but were failing miserably. "What is so god damn funny?"

"Pfft!... N-nothing Srg.,.... by the way.... pft!... Can we call.... hehahaha!.... Can we call you Captain Ahab!?"

Bobby exploded, "PPPFFFTTTTT HEHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"

"I don't get it!? What is SO FUNNY!??!" the Srg. or Captain was furious now. "My name is a glorious name! Passed down through the generations. Now quit lolly-bitchin and let s find our target!"

"Pffftt,..! Right sir of course. Hehaha,...!....... By the way ... pfftt! Is our target Moby Dick sir!? Pffftt HAHAHAHAHA!!!" Bobby too laughed hysterically.

"Now you're just being an ass-wipe there Lt. Our target is that weird doctor the freaky furry kid and the straw hat merc. Moby Dick is that big ass wale in a book that gets chased by that captain Ah-"

Now the Srg. got it, "That 's not funny MAGGOTS!!!!"

Lenny and Bobby's laughter died down, "Ehhahaha-ha-ha... Oh... Ha,.. Right, ha, sorry sir." They were both out of breath from breathing so hard.

"My, my. Sir, I do believe this is NOT the way 2nd and 3rd command officers should act Sergeant."

Lenny rolled his eyes, and Bobby took a sigh of annoyance, "What a douche..." They both turned around to see Dale. "Jesus Dale. I believe the Srg. said 2ND and 3RD COMMAND, not A-hole Lackeys."

Dale snickered, "Yes, but I think the Srg. would like BETTER company than you to fools."

Srg. shook his head, "No, he's right Private Dale. 2nd and 3rd command only! No douchebags!"

All three men were shocked that word came out of the Srg.'s mouth about dale. Bobby and Lenny knew it was true but that Srg. agreed!?

"W-w-what sir?" Dale was destroyed inside.

"You heard me! I can't have a duce in my high command. And I've heard all to well what the boys think of you."

Bobby and Lenny smiled and began to laugh lightly, "Good for you sir! Hahaha! You heard him, hit the road douche!" Lenny howled.

Dale was angry at Lenny, "But sir! What does what THEY say matter to you!?!?"

"Because! There my men!"

"But so am I!! And you can't NOT give me a high rank just because I 'might' be a douchebag!"

"Details, details! And don't tell me where to put my prejudice preferences! Now, BACK. TO. THE. REAR. FLANK!"

"But-but-but-but"

"NO BUTTS!! If I want an asshole anytime soon, I'll change my religion to sodimy! Now get!"

Dale reluctantly walked away. And Srg. went somewhere to debrief his 'employer'.

"You two keep an eye on things."

"Yes Sir!" Bobby and Lenny saluted.

"Dude!" Lenny was ecstatic, "What was the point of ANY of what just happened!?"

Bobby continued to laugh, but agreed, "I don't know, but it was funny as hell."

-

-

"Get in." Luffy pointed at a car near them. "Wait." Chopper looked suspicious. "Is it YOUR car." Luffy rolled his eyes.. "Yes, now get in." Chopper pulled on the door, "Its locked." Luffy looked at it, "Oh, right." he punched the back seat door window and opened the door, "There you go." as the car alarm went off. "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!?" Chopper's eyes almost popping out again. Luffy just huffed and pulled the alarm wire out of the front as he now had the driver's door opened too.

Then, Luffy saw a flash of light, it was moving. And it was approaching them. "Quick! Chopper! Take your clothes and hat off and get on all fours in the back seat!" Luffy demanded, "WHAT!?!? ARE YOU GOING TO RAPE ME!??!!" Chopper was scared shiftless, Luffy rolled his eyes, "NO! Bestiality isn't my thing, plus you re a minor AND a male. So shut up and do what I say!" he kicked Chopper into the back of the car and slammed the door.

The vehicle that was giving off the light slowed to a stop in front of Luffy and two men got out. Luffy was right to hide Chopper, in big letters above the large truck was U.S.N.A.G - United Surviving Nations Alliance Government.

After the semi-apocalypse in the earlier part of the century, when the nukes went off, all major nations put there differences aside and try and stay alive together and preserve what was left of the human race. And all it took was a nuclear holocaust after all.

The two men now stood in front of Luffy. "We have reason to believe you are a mercenary in possession of illegal cargo. Come with us and comply or you WILL be assaulted." said the BLONDE man. "Don't do anything stupid........ LUFFY!" the LONG NOSED one shouted as he embraced his 'old buddy'.

Luffy laughed as did the two FORMER mercenaries turned Government officers. "HAHAHA! Usopp! Sanji! Been awhile! How's the gov. treating my 'traitorous' friends!?? Hahaha!"

Sanji and Usopp had been best friends of Luffy and partners in the mercenary game since a little over a year now. One day the government caught them and gave them a deal. Naturally as mercenaries, the accepted and had been officers ever since. The only sold out mercs they didn't care about, never Luffy or others (to be named later) they were close friends with. Every once in awhile Luffy would "leak" information to them that caused a huge bust and promotion for the duo and in return, Sanji and Usopp looked away from Luffy's biasness, as long as it didn't involve world domination or catastrophic repercussions for the planet. Witch they never did, not Luffy's style.

Sanji and Usopp stopped laughing after a bit, but the friendly atmosphere stayed, "Good, good. In fact, we just got a pretty sweet job today." Sanji said with pride. Usopp nodded in agreement, "Yeah, turns out there's this old guy who allegedly hired a mercenary to take him and some kind of package out of the country. It's supposed to be in the form of an organic life form." Sanji snorted, "Yeah, ORGANIC, which means it could be anything form a damn plant to a roach to a child."

Luffy became on guard and raised a serious and suspicious eyebrow, "Where are the supposedly headed?" Although they TOO seemed suspicious now that their 'friend' asked the question, Sanji and Usopp answered, "America." Luffy sighed deeply in his head, now he didn't have to shoot and kill his friends. For some reason, he couldn't go back on his promise to that quack Hirulock now.

Sanji and Usopp were still suspicious as to why Luffy cared, "What about you Luf? You got job today." Luffy grinned, "Yup." Their suspicions died with Luffy's open smile, but now curiosity took place. "Doing what?" Luffy continued to be completely relaxed and calm, "London, England." Sanji and Usopp were glad it wasn't where they were headed. "Doing what?" Luffy looked at the back of 'his' car, smile of relief with what he saw, "A buyer wants this... reindeer up there and it pays pretty well." Sanji and Usopp looked into the car.

Thankfully, Chopper obeyed Luffy and was now naked on all fours in the back seat. Completely convincing Sanji and Usopp that he was a normal reindeer. ("Wow. Good thing I listened to Luffy...") a still very much nervous Chopper thought as Sanji and Usopp went back to talking to Luffy. "Well, we got to go, we'll see you later. We probably have to head to America soon." Sanji waved bye as he went back to the truck. "Yeah see ya Luffy." Usopp jumped back in as well and they drove off.

Luffy took one more sigh of relief. "Alright, to the desert we go." He got into the car and started it up from the wires and Chopper put his clothes back on.

-

-

"Is that you final report Srg. Ahab?"

The Srg. spoke though the communications hologram mini projector to his employer, "That's it sir. We found the old man but the kid and the merc have eluded us, but we don't think they'll use the airport so we assume they'll go by car or foot through the China desert."

"Very well, you shall pursue them through the desert. I am sending a bounty for the Reindeer and many will come after him for it. So if anyone besides the strawhat mercenary come in contact with the kid, let them take him, I'm sure they will be doing this because of the bounty and will bring him to me for the reward. As for "StrawHat" Luffy, if they don't.... kill him."

"Yes Sir."

-

-

A man groans in pain then falls to the ground lifeless. "Well, there's to my latest pay." a bald man said as he dropped the now dead man.

*Ring* *Ring* *Ring*

The man looked at his M.J.D.D (Merc Job Detection Device. Name given to it by mercenaries.) "Hmmm, Pretty high for a kid, wait..... half reindeer? Well, the pay is so much..." he smirked greedily, "I won't even ask questions."

-

-

"DAMN THAT LUFFY!!!" The female mercenary walked down the moon lit street.

*Ring* *Ring* *Ring*

"What now!?! I'm to pissed to take a mis- What?.... OH MY GOD!!!" The woman was unbelievably happy at the amount of zeroes at the end of the payment for this job. "Wait a minute.... A half reindeer kid? That looks like the one with Lu-.... oh! I'm gonna enjoy this!"

-

-

"Alright ladies! Were going StrawHat huntin in the desert!"

"Strawhat? In the desert? Why can't you buy one at the store?"

"No BACKSASS! Let's go!"

"Yes sir."

-

-

Luffy continues driving through the desert, they about 40 miles now from the CITY of Japan, NewChina.

Chopper lay asleep in the back seat.

*poof* *poof* *pootttttttt*

The car just ran out of gas.

Luffy: "Shit."

To Be Continued... 


	3. Quick Bonus of: The Followers

The Followers

You may have noticed that these men who seem to a have a major role in this story are NOT One Piece characters but OCs. I have decided that they will be in all of my stories from now on, not as big of parts as this one but in cameos as a sort of running gag. I hope you think these guys are as damn hilarious as I intended them to be. Here I will describe them so you can get a better read on them and what they're like.

You may have noticed that they seem a lot like the guys in Red vs. Blue. That's because they are a major influence on the Followers. If you have never heard of Red vs. Blue........ then these guys are all originally my idea and I should be credited for them and anything you see that resembles these guys and their personalities are copied from me. (Ha)

George Montgomery Ahab - Srg. Ahab to his 'maggot' officers. (Take note the misspelling of 'Sgt' is also a running gag)  
Sounds like Stg. from Red v. Blue, Mr. Peutersmit from Family Guy or any cranky old dude with a raspy voice. Looks like a physically fit, muscle toned man in his 60s with a handle bar mustache and gray hair. Calls his men by their first name and will only except being called Srg. or Sergeant Ahab.

Robert "Bobby" Hickenbottom - Second in command.  
Your average 28 year old goof off. Best friends with Lenard. Everyone calls him Bobby except Ahab who uses the first names of all his men. Short blonde hair, styled like Trunks from DBZ before he let it grow. He and Lenny are almost inseparable. It is said that Lenny has said on many occasions that Bobby is more of a brother to him than his own sister.

Lenard "Lenny" Joseph - Third in command.  
29 years old. Best friends with Robert. Everyone except Srg calls him Lenny. Refused to be the Srg's "#1 Lackey", gave promotion to Bobby. Short brown hair messy and sicks around in all directions. He and Bobby look a lot alike but are not related, this is one of the main reasons they first became friends. Bobby looks up to him as an idol and older brother, goes along with all of Lenny's stupid jokes when he's not making his own.

Martin "Marty" Johnson - Lackey New recruit. 24 years old. Military buzz cut, almost bald. By the book rookie. Hesitant on most things. Not the WORST guy on the team, so Lenny and Bobby like him better than the others. He's..... kinda funny.

Jeff - Fat Lackey A 'HUGE' loser. Slow, weak, lazy, oblivious, horrible at his job. Lenny and Bobby make constant jokes on his size, or just him. Short fuzzy red hair and beard. Like a even fatter Seth Rogan and not as funny. (If you find Seth Rogan funny. Personally I have to look REALLY hard to find it)

Dale "What A Douche" McCoy. - A-hole Lackey.  
Like it says, he's an A-hole. Kiss-ass and all around snitch and brown nose. The first thing Lenny and Bobby said about him when he became part of the team and said 'certain things' to them, they said "What a douche" and the nickname stuck. Dark blonde hair in a rising bowl cut and goatee that is only a 1/2 inch strip form the bottom lip to the top of the cleft of the chin in a 'perfect' rectangle. 


	4. Alone in the Desert Together Part I

Chapter THREe: You and Me Alone in the Desert Together

Part I: Luffy and Chopper = "Don't get me killed asshole!"

11 p.m. Tuesday

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE'RE OUT OF GA-HA-HAS!?!?!?!?!" Chopper was lividly panicked, what else is new. "Geez, reindeer, chill out. We'll be fine." "FINE!?!?! How are we going to be fine!?!?! Wait, I thought all the cars were solar powered!?! WHY IS THIS ONE RUN BY GAS!?!?" Luffy blew off this extremely odd and true statement, "Pff, I guess I jacked a poor dude's car that ran on gas. Not my fault." "YES IT IS!!" Luffy started walking towards their still destination of London, England, AWAY from the much closer CITY of Japan, NewChina.

The island and country of Japan was considered uninhabited 5 years after the nuclear attack in The Philippines as the radioactivity spread by water, easily infecting an island such as Japan. The government of Japan quickly evacuated all its people as fast as possible to the nearest safe haven, China. During the 'invasion' as most Chinese called it, the radiation from Afghanistan was causing problems too, spreading throughout Africa, as the radiation in Kenya did as well, and now headed towards China. All the nations with power used as many resources at their disposal to contain the spread, diseases may be gone, but radiation is still deadly. As the epidemic died down after 20 years of fighting it, the world's population dwindled to just under 300 million. The Japanese and Chinese government joined together to preserve their cultures and created NewChina, with its capital being NewJapan, mostly called Japan by the people. The city itself became the largest and most populated city with 18 million and increasing until it now stands tall with over 30 million, almost the entire population of NewChina in that one city.

"HELLO!! JAPAN IS THE OTHER WAY!!" Luffy looked back at the shaky Chopper, "So... We're suppose to be going to London, that's where we're suppose to go kid. What does Japan offer us?" "FOOD! SHELTER! SAFETY!!!" Luffy rolled his eyes, "What does it offer us that is IMPORTANT?"

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOOOOUUUTTT!?!?!??!" Luffy took an annoyed huff and explained, "Hirulock wanted you in England by fucking Thursday, you complaining is pissing me off, I'm doing what he asked and all this bitching is in my way as I take you to YOUR destination,.... and MY titties, hehehehehe," Luffy giggled pervertedly as he mumbled the last part to himself.

"But-but-but-but-....." Chopper hated how right Luffy was,... Not about the boobs, but that to Hirulock, HIS FATHER, they HAD to be in England at least by the end of the week. For whatever the reason...... Wait a minute... "I..... I-I-I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOING!!!"

Luffy was walking again when Chopper blurted this out and spun around facing him once more, "What?" Chopper was spastic again, "In England! I don't know what we're doing there or where we go from there or even who to contact."

Luffy lost it, "WHAT!?!?" Somewhere, a dead Hirulock's ghost smacked his for head, ~"Damn it!"~.

"Oh... This is SHIT!" Luffy, in anger and annoyance, stormed continually towards the aimless desert towards England. "WHERE ARE YOU GOING NOW!??!" Chopper's whininess was getting very annoying. "At this point!??.... I have to see a dick about helping me with a pussy." "YOU ARE SO PERVERTED!!!"

"Hey! Shut up! It's a metaphor, an arguably vulgar metaphor but when you meet this guy you'll understand why he's a dick!"

"AGRUBLY VULGAR!?!? IT'S COMPLETELY VULGAR! Wait... If this guy is the dick,... who's the p-p-p... um, the other one."

Luffy looked at Chopper, "Really... You have to ask?" Chopper's eyes widened, "I AM NOT!" he began to whine again, "Hmp, could have fooled me."

"YOU ARE SO MEAN!"

-

-

He stood directly on the line that the people used to define Japan and the Desert apart, "I wonder how far the Reindeer Kid and his 'hired' help have gotten. Heh. Hopefully they didn't use a car, this job will be so much easier if I can catch up with them in the desert." He held his large full-bodied sniper rifle tight and slicked back his nonexistent hair as he rubbed the top of his bald head, his natural hair color you could barely see as it began to quietly grow back.

-

-

("DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT. I HATE you so much Luffy! Knowing him he'll stop at that DICK'S house through the desert. ...... Good.") The female mercenary smirked evilly as she rode through the desert on her solar powered motorcycle, "...I'll shoot Luffy in the face. And HIM, I'll slit his throat for screwing me in New York and leaving while I slept! Those two bastards are so alike! God! UGH! I hate them!")

-

-

-

"Saaaaaaaaarge! This is crap!" Jeff huffed as he clung to Lenny, "Get off me fatty." Lenny moved and Jeff fell to the ground that was sand.

"QUIT BITCHIN LAKIE!" Srg. grunted vigorously, "This here mercenary hunt makes me feel ten years younger! HAHA! I feel like Teddy Roosevelt as he killed over 10,000 animals in Africa just for fun after opening over 300 national parks in America! God, that man is my hero. Saving his own country, then stripping another of its naturally beautiful creatures! I LOVE IT!"

Bobby rolled his eyes, "Yeah, that's what got him on Mt. Rushmore. Nothing else he did." Lenny chuckled in agreement, "Dude, if that's all it takes to get you face on a gaint ass rock, where's George Bush's tribute? What, no monument for a C average coke snorting president?"

Jeff still laid in the stand, "It's. So. Hot. I can't go on..."

Bobby looked back at him, "Dude, it's the dead of fucking night, it's not hot. It's cold. MOTHERFUCKING cold. You say it's hot again and I'll shoot you in the balls."

Lenny: "Do it anyways. Lard-ass don't use'em as it is, he won t miss them. You really want to make him cry, blow his stomach away."

Jeff: "NO! DON'T SHOOT ME IN THE STOMACH!"

Lenny: "See. Balls - Nothing. Stomach - Practically craps himself in fear."

Srg. : "Will you fag mongers PLEASE! hurry the hell up, I need traveling companions....... and SHIELDS if we get attacked or ambushed."

Lenny: "What was that last part sir?"

Srg. : "Nothing! Come on! Let's go!"

-

-

It has been 4 days since Luffy and Chopper had been in the desert, and they are failing very miserably to get through.

"FOOOODD!!!"

"I'M NOT FOOD YOU ASSHOLE!!"

Luffy ran after Chopper in circles as his hunger and sad little dilutions got the better of him. (Yeah, that sounds NOTHING like Luffy does it?)

Finally Luffy tripped and ate sand. Literally, dumbass swallowed it. "AUGASDVSKD!!! THAT IS NASTY!!!"

"DUH FUCK! IT'S SAND!" Chopper started slapping Luffy in the face while he sat there trying to get the taste out of his mouth.

~NiGhT FaLl~

Luffy and Chopper sit around a fire Luffy made. (In the desert, yes I know, bare with it, it IS anime for god sakes)

"So,...." Luffy looked at Chopper, who had been clutching and holding a cross that apparently belonged to Hirulock, "How are you and the doctor... 'related' as he put it?"

Chopper kept staring at the cross as if he didn't hear Luffy. Instead of getting mad or asking again he dropped it, then he spoke. "He made me...."

Luffy was bewildered, "WHAT??????"

Chopper looked up, "I'm..... artificially created."

MEGA FUCKING SILENCE followed.

"...................... How?"

Chopper took a deep sigh, "He took DNA samples of a human boy and different animals and kept trying to created the perfect hybrid. He researched all this so humans could evolve to fight the massive radiation in the "God Forsaken Zones" as he and others called it. Most called him a quack and a psycho, thought he would bring the end of the world, not the "salvation" as he said. Then he made me. I was the first successful creation, not sure why reindeer DNA worked. Then, just DAYS after I was 'born', a man who claim to be fellow scientist and "pursuer of the salvation of human kind' as well came to him and offered help with his research. In exchange, when Hirulock found a major breakthrough, we were to come to him so he could study me and together they would find the 'salvation' they were looking for. Dr. found something, something that changed everything he knew about his own research and that we had to go to England immediately an find the other doctor and tell him this new discovery that would DEFINATLY change the world."

Luffy sat there and took it all in, "..... That is so damn insane..... I believe it all but...... it's still freaking insane. ...... So how long have you been alive?"

Chopper went back to looking at the cross, "Even though my age is recorded as 15 if you were to test my human DNA, I've only been alive for 5 years. But I seem to learn and know SO much..... As if it's because I HAVE been alive for so long... Hirulock said it was because I was just so amazing and that I was the 'FUTURE'...... I don't know........ I-I-I'm kind of scared about it all."

Luffy stood up and smiled, Chopper looked at him with confusion, "Well,... I guess along this damn trip I'm going to have to show you that you are apparently important as hell and you shouldn't be scared huh?" Luffy stuck out his hand and smiled, "Something tells me this shit is going to get very real soon." Chopper smiled, "Right! Thanks!"

Luffy giggled, "Yeah...... I still want my sexy girls when I'm done with this!"

Chopper grinned cheesily as he sweat dropped, "rrrrRight......." ("So much for him seeming to care about something important.")

~NeXt DaY~

"So. Close... I can feel it... haa..." Luffy panted worse than a thirsty dog. And drooling twice as much. "We've. Been. Traveling. For. Ever. ... Haa, haa, haa..." Chopper too was dying.

"Hm..." Luffy heard a very strange noise, one too familiar, definitely for the desert........ unless....

"Ohhhhhhhh, boy." Luffy knew what that sound was, what it meant, and what was about to happen. And he HATED that he knew just too well how the next 20 minutes of his day were going to go. "This should be fun."

-

-

As she sped up her bike, the female mercenary noticed something ahead. An ANNOYING something. "Perfect." She had an evil smirk of joy while at the same time you could tell she was full of anger. "DIE LUFFY!!!!!!!!" She punched it hard and the motorcycle bolted towards he much 'disliked' 'friend'.

-

-

Luffy sighed, "I was hoping to talk to her later, not now, but it seems I don't get what I want." The female mercenary got closer and extremely closer with each passing nanosecond. Luffy sighed once more, "Hey, Na-"

*BBAAAAAAAMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!*

The front wheel of her bike hit Luffy directly in the face. "LUFFY YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Nami the mercenary jumped off the bike as it hit the sand, Luffy buried in sand.

Luffy wonkily got up, "Ok.... I~des~erve~tha~bu~...~can~we~jus~settle~this~normally? Lik~ra~tion~l~hu~mains~?"

*WHAM!*

Apparently not, as Name hit Luffy with the back side of her gun. Chopper gawked at the scene, and at the very hot, VERY tight clothed woman before him. "YOU!" she pointed her gun directly at his face, Luffy was uneasy about such a gesture, "Hey, hey, take it easy. Nothing I've done to you was that bad." Nami almost pulled the trigger, "NOTHING?!?! Oh so you just ALWAYS act like an insensitive dick and that jackass friend of yours like a man-whore!?!"

Luffy stood there, hands in the air, ".......... Uh, yeah pretty much."

*BANG!*

She missed, meant to, as the bullet went right between Luffy's head and his left arm, "CHILL OUT NAMI! You want to kill HIM, he lives out here you know, go to him-"

"I KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES OUT HERE YOU JACKASS!!! AND I'M GOING TO SHOOT HIS ASS TOO!"

"But what the hell did I do!? I never slept with you like HE did!"

"BUT YOU COULD HAVE AND ALMOST DID BEFORE YOU LEFT ME!"

Chopper's gawking expression turned to Luffy, as if he was watching a "good" soap opera and was being revealed to all the 'juicy parts' of the show.

".......... Nami, that's not what this is really about is it?"

Tears in her eyes, yet NO trace of sadness, only anger and hate. "You're right." she turned to Chopper, "There was a worldwide merc call for this little guy, and I happened to know WHO had him." She looked at Luffy with a smirk.

Luffy realized something very important, and as a keen mercenary he caught on to it quickly, "... You were there in the bar weren t you."

"Damn straight. I was and I just HAPPEN to see a StrawHat dick, an old man, and a little deer boy while I was there." She inched closer to Luffy, the gun only centimeters from his face, "Now,... I'll take the kid now,.... and KILL you."

Luffy looked behind her. He smirked, "Heh,.. No you won't."

Nami's curiosity got the best of her. She raised a disbelieving eyebrow and turned around.

"Christ..... a fucking sand storm!?!"

It was blowing hard and coming straight for them.

Luffy grabbed Nami's gun, grabbed Chopper and ran like hell......... INTO the sand storm.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?!??!" both Nami and Chopper yelled as the seemingly idiotic merc was diving into a SANDSTORM. What part of that does he not get? The sand or the storm part?

The storm now engulfed him, Chopper, and Nami.

"YOU BASTARD! WHERE ARE YOU!"

"LUFFY! HELP!"

"CHOPPER!?! WHERE DID YOU GO!?!?"

"HOLD STILL KID!"

A fourth voice was in the mix. Another mercenary most likely, his voice too seemed familiar to Luffy, VERY familiar, as if he knew the mercenary all his life, which he almost did.

"WAIT! IS THAT YOU ntzxy-....!!!!"

His voice was carried away in the storm, as was Chopper and the man who seemed to have been prepared for this sand attack, almost as if he created it. Such timing indeed.

-

-

It had been 2 hours now, Luffy woke up as he heard a gun click.

"Great...... I'm stuck with YOU."

He saw Nami, once again pointing a gun right between his eyes.

To be continued... 


	5. Alone in the Desert Together Part II

Chapter FOUr: You and Me Alone in the Desert Together

Part II: Luffy and Nami= "Gettin it on like a Trojan (condom)"

Sunday 11 p.m.

She walked though the desolate desert, no longer in possession of her motor cycle. She tugged tightly at the rope as she carried his lame ass self.

"HURRY UP! GOD! You are so DAMN annoying!" Luffy tried to stand but every time he did, Nami would jerk the rope she had tied him with and he would fall on his face into the sand. "Asdsvlh! QUIT DOING THAT!!!" Luffy's anger was ignored as Nami continued tugging him along.

"You think I CARE??? After what you did to me, you're very VERY! lucky for me to be letting you live." Luffy stood up, a sad look on his face, this seemed to have caused Nami not to jerk the rope to make him fall. "Nami.... You know it was never suppose to happen the way it did." She clinched her fists, trying very hard not to hit the crap out of him. "Just keep walking...... no more talking Luffy,... time for that died along time ago..." her voice was quite, but it echoed in Luffy's head, the sad tone of it pounding away.

-

-

Night had fallen once again, and the seemingly bald mercenary drove his solar powered blue truck through the desert. Chopper woke up from what he believed was from being knocked out. Tied up and in the back, he looked at his captor. The man looked back and smiled, it was intimidating but also kind, "So, you're awake, good. Means you're not dead." he chuckled lightly. Chopper was uneasy about him, he looked menacing but was so nice, both his approach and voice. Chopper did not say a word, this only made the man smile more, "Good, if they don't talk... They won't be a major pain. That just makes my job all that easier." Chopper continued to look at the man, "...... Luffy will come get me..." The man looked back again at this, "Luffy...?... Heh, I thought that's who's name you shouted out when I grabbed you. ..." he looked up at the moon lit sky. "Luffy.... That crazy son of a bitch, that's gonna change WHOLE my day. Better go see that dick relative of his, knowing Luffy, that's where he's headed." Chopper seemed perplexed by the fond smiled the man was wearing as he thought of Luffy. ("Are they fiends???")

-

-

"Damn it! What do you mean they're not in Japan!?!?!" Sanji was on the phone with his 'superiors' at the main Japan Airport. Usopp was lighting a cigarette off the side as Sanji was being chewed out. "That's not our problem!..... But if you have jut-........ But we-..... Ah FUCK YOU!"

Sanji hung up and grunted in utter anger and annoyance as he put as cigarette in his mouth and Usopp lit it for him. "How bad and stupid is it now?" he ask his blonde friend. "VERY." was Sanji's only reply.

The left the airport and got back in their truck. "So apparently, the merc and the cargo went on foot in the fucking desert. And now we have to ride out there and find him." Usopp looked in annoyed disbelief, "Are you serious?" "... Haa, Yeah, 'friad so." "Damn it"

"I know, and fucking get this Usopp. Our 'higher ups' want us to take the guy alive and the cargo unharmed for fucking study!"

"What happened to the search and destroy plan!?"

"Fuck, I don't know, those government bastards want to use the weapon it's self I guess. No one ever knows what their government is REALLY doing."

"Tell me about it." Usopp stared the truck, but had a troubling look on his face.

Sanji looked at him, "Something troubling you man?"

"I don't know.... It's just that,... Luffy....... I know he said he was going to England and his voice did have ANY sound of lying in it but... I think we're missing something."

"Yeah,.. I know what you're saying. It's bothering me pretty bad too. But hey, Luffy wouldn't lie to us.......... He would actually shoot us than lie."

"Yeah that's true."

"Besides, the targets we're after are heading to America, so Luffy's not in this."

"I guess so, I we are still bothered by it, we'll ask Luffy later."

"Yeah," they started to roll out, heading to the desert. "But if we're going to talk to LUFFY about us being suspicious with him..... We better be strapped when we do it."

"Heheheh, a-men to that bro."

-

-

"SIX DAYS!!!!! SIX DAYS AND NOT ONE WORD FROM ANYONE WITH THAT DAMN RIEDEER KID!" the 'fellow' scientist was livid as he threw chemicals, viles and other things from his lab table.

"Don't worry sir, I'm sure they are doing the best they can."

"That strawhat son of a bitch! He took the desert route on FOOT! He's either insanely clever.... or a COMPLETE incompetent ass!"

"Most likely the second one sir."

"Most likely...." the scientist calmed down, "I'm sure we will STILL get what we want either way.... I intend to. NO MATTER what."

-

-

Night fall once again. Day 6 coming to a rather cold end. The coldest in the past week of being stranded in the desert, so cold, hypothermia is not only 100% possible. It is already effecting Nami and Luffy.

"S-s-s-s-so...f-f-fucking... -cc-cold..." she shivered, once again her body betrayed her making her have a seemingly sexy vulnerable state. This alone made Luffy hot enough to where he didn't feel the hypothermia set in on himself. They were sitting around a fire that wasn't really helping. ".....Nami..." she looked at him evilly, "WHAT?" Luffy was afraid to ask this but they BOTH wanted to survive, and for that, they would really need each other for this. "We can survive this,... You know that.... but it means we have to-"

"NO!" she knew what he was going to say, and personally, she WOULD rather die. "There is no way in hell I would even DREAM of that with you!...." she got sad again, "... not anymore, anyways..."

Luffy was now depressed too. It wasn't supposed to happen the way it did.

-

For awhile... Luffy and Nami were partners. Then one day, in a suicide job in Russia, almost 3 months ago, they shared a very intimate of moments. She needed comfort with a haunting past and Luffy was the one that was there. They didn't have sex, but it was close. She decided that she would ask him to be with her the next day... but,

A massive explosion went of only 1 mile away. The government swarmed through the city, looking for suspicious people, or just anyone they could find to blame for what they believed was an anarchist terrorist attack. Luffy left to get breakfast for them. When he saw the troops, he left the city quick and quietly. Nami was still in her room and the female mercenary was arrested for possible terrorist attack.

But it was in fact that the mission she and Luffy were on was to stop the bombing. But they were too caught up in each other's new found feelings for each other, the mission became second to them. And to mercenaries, that always spells disaster. After a few months of interrogation, Nami was released, having no proof of connection to the attack and her contractor verifying her reasons for being there. In fact, she was freed only 10 days ago. And had been hunting for Luffy ever since for revenge for him leaving her.

"And YOU, not even acting like you care! I hate you! What makes you think I would do anything so intimate with you again after that!?!?" She almost pulled out her gun to shoot him dead. "Nami, I.... I wasn't thinking...." he at first WAS blaming himself, but then quick went on the defensive. "You never showed much damn affection for me before! How was I supposed to know what the hell was going on and to save you! All of a sudden you fall in love with me and I have such a burden put on me!? That's not fair!.... No one saw that attack coming, even we didn't and we were there to try and stop it. I wasn't about to let the government catch me just because I wanted to save a girl that may not even love me the way I loved her! You would have done the same thing!"

"I WOULD HAVE!!!" she agreed, almost shockingly to Luffy, "But...." she began to cry, "Not to you..." ("Damn it.") was all Luffy could THINK, he was speechless. "NOT TO YOU!!!" she fired off 4 shots at him, missing deliberately every time. "Why... WHY CAN'T I JUST KILL YOU!?!? What's stopping me???" she fell to her knees.

Luffy had a sad, caring expression on his face, "Because... you want to live, and you know the only way how to right now."

She looked away in sorrow and hate, "You just want to take advantage of me..."

"No... I don't... I want to save you.... I rather see you live than me right now..... and I mean it."

She looked at him threw her sobs. "Ok...." it was almost a whisper.

She went over to him and sat on his lap. The heat alone from the simple connection warmed them up immensely, they just might survive this.

Suddenly, Luffy wrapped his now freed arms around her and buried his face into her large breasts. She jumped, almost off of him, "Luffy! W-W-What are you-..!?!"

"Nami... please,.... It's only to keep you as warm as you can be... I promise." His grip of her got tighter, his face went deeper. This sensual feeling was making Nami's body pulse with so much heat, more heat than she thought she could feel in such a cold climate. She was blushing profusely, and then relaxed. She now wrapped her arms around Luffy and rested her head on top of his. Luffy began to kiss the valley of her chest lightly, making her emit soft, gentle moans as she began to get warmer and warmer.

"Nami.... Nami....... NAMI... NAMI!!!" Luffy jolted his head up....... she had fallen asleep...... worse thing you can do when you could freeze to death. Even if her body had become warm for a moment, sleep could end all that, and your body would go back to freezing.

You fall asleep during potential hypothermia..... your whole body can shut down and you could die in minutes..... maybe seconds.

"NAMI!!!!!" Luffy stood up and started running. ("I have to get out of this goddamn desert!!! I have to save her!!! I HAVE to!!!!!!!!!!!!!")

He ran faster than anyone could.

-

-

The bald mercenary arrived at an old abandon looking shack. "Hmmm...." he looked in side... "He's not here..... heh..... I can wait."

-

-

Srg. : "I swear to GOD as my witness, any of you hugging fairies tell anyone about this.... I will hang you all by your genitalia."

The entire group of the 'Followers' were huddled together to keep warm. Jeff was clinging very hard to Lenny as he was asleep. "Get off me!" Lenny kicked him off and Jeff tumbled down a sand dune.

Lenny yelled to him as he fell, "WARM YOUR OWN SELF! YOU GOT ENOUGH BLUBBER ON YOU, YA BASTARD!!!"

-

-

It had finally become day. Luffy had no idea of Nami's condition, but he had kept running.... but now, he had to collapse.

This was it, he was gonna die, and he couldn't have saved Nami... live was a real bitch right now.

A young man, late 20's stepped in front of a dying Luffy on the sand, "Jesus.... You are one crazy bastard Luffy..."

He picked the now unconscious Luffy and Nami and put them in the back of his solar powered car, and drove back to his home.

To be Continued... 


	6. Meeting The Desert Dick & Bald Mercenary

Chapter FIVe: Meeting The Desert Dick & Bald Mercenary

Luffy woke from his exhaustion, fatigue, dehydration, and all around pain. "Look who's up." Luffy slowly sat up and looked at his 'savior'. "Ace....... You asshole."

"Portgas D. Ace, mercenary extraordinaire! At your service you shitty little brother of mine." Ace chuckled and walked up to him. It looked like he was going to give his brother a hug..

*WHACK!*

He smacked Luffy on the back of the head, "OW! What the hell was that for!?!?" Ace stood up and pointed at a lump of blankets on the other side of Ace's humble shack, "THAT, is what the punch was for!" The blankets moved, and Nami rolled over revealing herself from under the pile. "NAMI!!" Luffy was now full of glee, "Thank god she's safe."

"GOD!? Asshole I'M the one who saved your asses not HIM." Luffy rolled his eyes, "Ace.... your an attention hogging, greedy dick if you ever have been before." Ace stood as straight with pride, "Damn skippin!" he squatted back down to Luffy, "Soooo..... since we ARE brothers,... I guess I'll help you with what you need, but understand this..." he once again pointed at the sleeping angle, an angel to Luffy anyways, that was Nami, "If she tries to KILL me...." he hysterically grabbed Luffy by his shirt "I'm taking you with me."

"Mmmhmm....." the woman moaned sweetly as she began to wake up. Ace became panicked, "Shit! She's up.... Later." he bolted out of his own home. But Nami had opened her eyes enough to see him, "YOU!" she jumped up and grabbed the nearest weapon or harmful object she could find. Happened to be a gun. Good for Nami. Bad for Ace.

*BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG*

She missed, (she seems to miss all the time, that has to suck) but she followed him with full determination of intent to kill. "YOU WILL DIE HERE PORTGAS!!!" she busted down the door he slammed shut, hoping to slow her down, that did NOT work.

Now outside, Ace ran for his life, but tripped. He looked to see what it was, but saw nothing. He once again became more preoccupied with living and jumped into his car for escape, but that didn't help either.

Nami shot both tires on the driver's side and then shot at Ace, busting the windows of the car. "DAMN IT NAMI! STOP!" Ace tried to reason with her, she smiled in delight as he squirmed, "FUCK YOU!!" and shot at him some more, until the gun ran out of bullets.

Luffy stood at the door way, definately not getting in her way. Nami looked back to him, her angry face disappeared as she looked at him. No look of sorrow on her though, no anger, or anything, a simple, normal face. She did however, grip her gun in anger for she knew what words were about to leave her mouth next, what she was going to say to Luffy. He did, however, earn this. She walked up to him and hugged him, "Thank you Luffy." The hug was light and she pulled off quickly, she smiled and showed him the ammo stick she had just took from him. Sneaky ain't she. "You're off the hook for now." She put the fully loaded ammo stick into the gun and started shooting at Ace again. Who, just got out off the car, thinking it was save. "Holy shit!!!" he jumped back into the car and assumed the fetal poison as rounds were fired once more.

-

After awhile, Nami relaxed, "You're lucky I'm so blissfully happy to be alive, or you WOULD be dead." They all sat at the table eating. Ace wrapped gaws around his left arm as at least ONE bullet mange to hit him, thankfully it was only a graze. "Yeah yeah, yippy-kai-ay! You're alive.... fuckin bitch." the last part was under his breath. Nami clicked her gun, "WHAT was that??"

"Uh, nothing!" he was once again scared for his life. Then he just became annoyed, "Man, why aren t you mad at Luffy too. He may not have used you for sex like I did that one time but... At least I didn't get you arrested and tortured by feds." Nami looked at Luffy then back at Ace, "Yeah... Well at least HE CARED ENOUGH TO BE SORRY FOR WHAT HE DID!!!"

*WHAM!*

She hit Ace with the handle of her gun. "OW! Damn it! Ok, ok, I get it! Shit!"

They then all heard a muffled sigh, it sounded like a child waking up. "Ahhhh... Good morning Ace-san..."

CHOPPER rubbed his eyes open, then noticed the man in the room, "L-L-L-LLUUHUFFFFY!!!!" He ran to Luffy and hugged him tightly. "I KNEW YOU WOULD FIND ME AND WOULDN'T DIE!!!"

Luffy patted him on the back, "Of course not." Then Luffy heard a gun click, "Nami?? What are you doing." She sadly shrugged at him, "Sorry Luffy, he's worth a lot of money..... Maybe... M-Maybe once you could have stopped me from doing something like this to you, but now.... Just give him here, I really don't want to shoot you."

Ace looked in awe, "Whoa, you are a bitch."

*WHAM!!!*

"SHIIIIIT that hurt!!!!!"

"SHUT UP ACE! You asshole." Nami looked back at Luffy, she acted very kind, "Please Luffy, don't fight back, I DON'T want to shoot you." Luffy looked deep into her eyes, "Ok Nami..." Chopper looked shocked, "WHAT!?!? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS!?!?" Luffy looked at him and smiled, "Don't worry, it won't be too long." Nami smirked in disbelief, "Right, DON'T follow us Luffy."

She grabbed Chopper and ran outside, Ace and Luffy followed after.

Outside Nami put Chopper in another car that was outside, "Don't come any closer Luffy, sorry." Luffy just nodded in sarcasm, "Yeah, you're sorry, I get it." Ace shook his head, "I'm sorry too."

He took out a RPG and pointed it at Nami, Luffy and Chopper. Luffy wasn't surprised at this, but didn't think would be a dick this time, "Come on Ace, really? Always looking out for number 1 huh?"

"Super Damn Skippin! Like she said Luf, kid's worth alot of money." Luffy stayed in the way of Ace and his target. Ace rolled his eyes, "Chill out, all of you, and move so I don't shoot any of you."

All three were now VERY confused, they moved and Ace shot of his RPG into the distance. Luffy now saw what Ace was REALLY aiming at, in the distance.

-

-

Martin Johnson, the newest recruit, was on look out duty for the 'Followers', "Um, Srg....."

"What is it peanut rookie!?"

"Uhhhhh, I'm looking at the targets and-"

"Well, SPEAK UP! What are they doing!?"

"Just,... talking, but something is coming this way...."

"WHAT!?! What the hell are you talking about wet ears!?!"

Srg. looked ahead of them, and saw the RPG coming, "Well crap."

Bobby, Lenny, and another teammate, Doug, were standing around, waiting for orders.

Lenny: "So... uh.. Doug right?"

Doug: "Yeah."

Lenny: "Heard, it's your birthday today,.... um... congrats man."

Doug: "Well thank you! I'm glad SOMEONE remembered. Srg. doesn t seem to even notice I'm alive, heheh."

Bobby: "Aw, don't worry about that man. You'll have your chance."

Lenny: "Yeah, don't sweat it, keep you head up high and look forward, you'll get you-"

Just then the RPG hit Doug and he went flying....... then exploded.

Lenny: "..........Well.......... That was utter bullshit."

Bobby: "Dude,... that fucking SUCKED!"

Srg. : "What happened!?!? Anyone got hit!?!?"

Lenny: "Doug's gone Srg."

Srg. : "Who?"

Lenny: "Aw fuck it, you don't GET to know Doug! Doug was the shit! And you.... you didn't even KNOW him!"

Srg. : "..... Lenard, I don't know what homosexual relationship you had with that guy, but I don't like it, so move on to another fudge lover and get in gears!"

Lenny: "Fuck you."

Srg. "WHAT!?!"

Lenny: "I SAID-....!"

Bobby put his hand over Lenny's mouth, "Nothing sir! We'll get on that!"

Srg. : "Good to hear that Lt.! Now, get namy pamy here in beast mode and fast! We're going to WAR!!!"

He charged off towards Luffy and the others.

Lenny: "I REALLY hate that smug bastard."

Bobby: "Yeah, I know, but let's just be 'good little soldiers' now.... and mutiny later, when nothing big is going on and we over throw him out of boredom."

Lenny: "..... Dude, I love that plan."

-

-

It was about an hour now, and the massive shootout between The Mercenaries and The 'Followers' continued.

"Crap!" Ace continued to hide behind the large metal sheet protecting them from the bullets. "What the HELL are we gonna do?!?" He looked at Nami who just ignored him and kept shooting, Chopper was freaking out, as usual. Then he looked at Luffy...... who was 'Zoning Out' again. "Shit, Luffy! We don't need you Zoning right now you crazy bastard."

Luffy sprung up and shot 3 Followers through the broken windows of Ace's car, once again hitting them each perfectly. Luffy went back down and stared out into space once again. Ace couldn't help but chuckled and smile in stupid disbelief, "Haha, W-What the hell are you!??"

ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE GUN FIGHT.

Lenny: "Dude! This is bullshit! Our guys are dropping faster than every Red Shirt in all the Star Treck shows combined."

Bobby: "You're telling me! What's with that Strawhat guy?!??"

Lenny: "You notice though, me and you always get out of these kind of shootings without a single scratch. While guys like Germy here...." he pulled up the guy next to him, who had a strange look on his face, most likely because there was a bullet in his forehead. "...Make the guy who got shot by Dick Cheney say "Damn!"..?" (For the future, I have a lot of modern jokes don t I?)

Bobby: "..... Yeah, I try to look over that stuff.... That way I don't jinx it."

Lenny then got a very crazy look about him, "I say fuck it. No one lives forever!" He go up and started firing of his machine gun, "THIS IS FOR DOUG YOU MERCENARY FUCKERS!!!!"

Bobby was encouraged, and got up and started shooting too, "YEAH!! TODAY WAS DOUG'S BIRTHDAY!!! WHAT THE HELL DID HE DO TO YOU!?!??! DIEEEEEE!!!"

"SHIT!!!" Ace covered his head, "Were getting pepperfucked now!!" Luffy took a deep breath... "Ace.... you still have land mines buried out here right?" Ace looked a little confused, then he remembered that he use to put land mines out so they would either kill or scare people away from his place, but he kept forgetting where they were and set some off a few times. (How he's alive no one really knows, even he doesn't know) "..... Uh.... I think so... but I don't know wher-"

Luffy got up again and shot at the dirt, and surprisingly to everyone, it exploded.

*BBBBOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!*

Srg., Bobby, Lenny, Jeff, Martin, Dale, and the other remaining followers went sailing several hundred feet in the air.

Srg. : "Well! Looks like we're BLASTING OFF AGAIN!!"

Lenny: "What the hell!??! We've never 'BLASTED' off any damn time! What the fuck are you talking about!?!?!?"

Bobby: "Hmmmm, I feel like I've heard that saying before...."

Jeff: "Oh my god!! We're all gonna die when we fall!!"

Bobby: "If I'm correct in where I've heard that saying before, then by the laws (of anime) we will somehow all survive as this is a comedic moment."

Dale: "You're delusional."

Martin: "And you're a douche!"

Lenny: "Heheh-hey, I like this kid. From now on, we'll call you Marty."

Bobby: "Or at least us 'COOL' guys will call you that."

Marty (apparently formerly Martin): "Geez, wow, thanks guys, I really just did it out of spontaneousness, but I really apreciate-"

Lenny: "Ok, now you ruined it. You're still higher up in my scale that fat-ass and the douche, but you blew some MAJOR respect points."

Srg. : "GOOD GOD! WILL YOU BUTT MONKEYS LET ME ENJOY MY SOARING THROUGH THE AIR IN PEACE!!! It's like a gay pride parade 'round here!!"

Lenny: "How?"

Srg. : "A bunch of dicks, pussies and assholes yelling at each other about who they like more and their whiny justifications about it!"

Bobby: "Wow, that was a pretty good comparison Srg."

Lenny: "Good comparison!? That's like the 200th homo joke he's made since we've been in this shitty desert. I think SOME body has homophobiaaaaa..."

Srg. : "Yeah, and somebody ELSE is getting a swift kick up the ass if they don't, SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

-

-

Ace was dumbfounded beyond comprehension, "How..... THE FUCK did you know that land mine was there!?!?" Luffy just smiled stupidly, "I guess like fuck bro."

"WWHHAAAAAAAATTT!!!?!?!????!!?!?!?!!?!!!?!!!"

Luffy's stupid smile stayed, "Weeeell..... Kinda guessed, I saw you trip on something earlier, and knowing you, you placed bunch of land mines NEAR your house, so I assumed that small thing you tripped on was a land mine, but it duded (if that's a word) when just being stepped on. I figured a bullet being fired on it was just enough force to set it off, if it was indeed a land mine."

Ace scratched his head, "Yeah,... That DOES sound like me, glad I've never set it off, so close to my house and it would blow up the better part of it-"

The better part of Ace's house was blown up and Ace JUST now realized it. "MY HOUSE!!! MY FUCKING HOUSE!!!"

Luffy grinned sheepishly, "Sorry...." Ace cocked his gun, "Luffy..... I am going TO KILL Y-.... Oh shit....... Luuuuffy..."

"Yeah?"

"Where's Nami?"

Luffy looked around, Nami was gone, and so was Chopper. "Shit! She took Chopper during the shootout!" Luffy noticed a piece of paper on the ground, he picked it up and read it.

~"Don't come after me and you'll still be off the hook. Hahahaha! Love, Nami"~ her beautiful hand writing decorated the small scrappy paper. Luffy couldn't help but crumble it up, "That...... HOT bitch!"

"DUDE WE GOT ROBBED!!" Ace was just as livid as Luffy.

Then a blue truck rolled up.... and a BALD man stepped out..

"Geez.... this place goes to hell in just 8 hours of me being gone? Ace, what the hell happened?!?"

Luffy turned to the voice, both he and the bald mercenary smiled,

"ZORO!!"

-

-

Zoro Roronoa, once with prominent long green hair, had had it shaven off when he joined the army. This is where he met a fellow soldier by the name of Luffy D. Monkey.

{FLASHBACK}

Zoro stood in line as the new recruits all lined up, ready for inspection. "ALL RIGHT MAGGOTS!! I AM SRG. MAJOR SHUT THE FUCK UP WHEN I'M TALKING!!! OR Mj. STFUWIT (pronounce that as a whole word)........ and YES I am of middle-eastern decent." the hard-ass Major walked by each new recruit, trying to burn their souls with fear. Each rookie had had their head shave........... but one seemingly troublesome kid had not only his hair.... but a straw hat.

"YOU!......" Major Stfuwit looked at his roster, "Monkey D. Luffy?... WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING WITH THAT HAT AND YOUR HAIR MAGGOT!?!?!?!"

Luffy picked his nose with a dull expression, "Fuck dude,... I'm keeping my hair, I like it....... And NOBODY is taking my hat..." He gave the major a very serious look. This enraged Stfuwit, "BOY!!! YOU DO NOT TELL ME WHAT YOU WILL AND WILL NOT DO SO HELP ME GOD!!!" Everyone was staring at the display of pure defiance, especially Zoro, with a grin on his face. Luffy rolled his eyes, "Pft, like God would help you...." "THAT'S IT YOU SHITTY COCKY SON OF A BITCH!!!!!!!!!" He grabbed Luffy's hat and was about to stomp on it. Luffy grabbed him by the chest and kneed Stfuwit in the nuts..... TWICE. Luffy picked his hat up, "TRY THAT AGAIN AND SEE WAHT ELSE I CAN DO MAJOR NO NUTS!!!"

Zoro's grin got wider and wider, "I like him...." although he didn't mean it the way it sounded, the recruit next to him took it the wrong way.... and S-L-O-W-L-Y stepped away from Zoro.

Who later beat the crap out of him for even thinking he was gay.

{ANOTHER FLASHBACK}

Zoro sat down next to Luffy in the cafeteria that same day. "So,... surprised you're not out of here yet."

Luffy chuckled, "Yeah, well they don't have any transportation yet, I'm getting deported tomorrow."

Zoro chuckled as well, "Awesome, I'd get out of this shit hole too, but I don't feel like making an ass of myself. Plus, why not take a few things from here that you can't learn anywhere else right?"

Luffy agreed, "Good idea, wish I thought of that before I took out Major Stfuki or whatever his name was suppose to be."

After awhile, they got up to go hang out somewhere else. Luffy accidently bumped into another new recruit. "Oh,.. sorry."

New recruit: "Naw, it's fine man."

Luffy and Zoro left and the guy Luffy bumped into sat down to a friend of his, "Hey, what's up Bobby."

"Nothing much Lenny."

{END FLASHBACK}

After 4 years in the army, Zoro resign and found Luffy. They became mercenaries together and although most of their jobs had become separate, they always had each other's backs.  
Zoro had left Chopper with Ace while he went out in search of Luffy in the desert. Zoro had explained to Chopper his connection with Luffy and that he was in safe hands till he could find him and bring him back.

-

Zoro and Luffy rode in Zoro's truck, heading to the most likely place where Nami went. They left Ace behind because, well..... he didn't want to go.

Ace: "DAMN YOU LUFFY!!! IT'S GONNA TAKE FOR FUCKING EVER TO FIX MY DAMN HOUSE!!!..... shitty little brother...."

Zoro: So, Nami huh? Thought she wanted to kill you or something?

Luffy: Yeah, just trust me when I say she s, a little leant on me for now.

Zoro chuckled, I bet she won t be for long.

Agh, probably. -

-

Chopper sat in the passenger seat next to Nami, she had stolen Ace's other car.

Chopper: "Why are you doing this? Don't you like Luffy?"

Nami cringed a little, " 'LIKE' is TOO strong of a word..... But,... I'll admit he can be very nice...... I just want the money, it's what a mercenary does.... nothing personal kid, hope you understand."

Chopper just sat in the seat, silent.

-

-

Zoro and Luffy came to the city of Balqash, Kazakhstan, a mercenary pit-stop, and where they knew Nami would stop before continuing her journey. They knew they had at least a day before she would leave here. Even being chased or hunted down or sought after, Nami NEVER rushed. The show down between mercenaries was about to start soon. VERY soon.

-

-

"Who?"

"Her name is Nami sir. She says she'll be here within 48 hours."

"..... Not good enough, tell those lousy excuses for 'government' troops to capture the kid immediately and bring him to me...... I want to commence the "ReBirth" as SOON as possible."

"Yes sir."

The men looked out to a large warehouse/lab, at least a mile of 'life pods' in rows of thousands, each containing CLONES of humans, animals........... and whatever that could be sustained inbetween.

.......... Most notably a reindeer child.

To Be Continued..... 


	7. Finding & Possibly Subduing a Hot Bitch

So... I like REALLY had to take a break, you may notice that I update more than most writers as I have 11 stories in just 2 and a half months of writing. I was in like serious writer's overload and went on hiatus for a week. I'm going to try and finish this story before Oct. 15, it has about 4 chapters left, hope you guys enjoy it. The Chronicles of Zeke has been pushed back to about Oct. 23 or 24 so I can get a little more R & R. I also have pushed back Robot Pirate Season 2 to sometime in November as I had said in a news letter earlier that I would do it this month.

Chapter SIx: Finding & Possibly Subduing a Hot Bitch

Luffy and Zoro walked through the slums of the small village of Balqash, Kazakhstan. They looked around for any place that might contain the female mercenary Nami and her recent 'score' Tony Tony Chopper.

Luffy saw some kids annoying a very mean, borderline cruel, old man who was selling food inside his market stand that seemed to be big enough to also be his home. As the kids continued to ask the angry looking man many questions, Luffy noticed a few more sneaking in the back of the stand to steal some food. Classic starving-orphan-trying-to-survive trick. But the old man seemed to have known this would happen. He turned around and punched the kid in the face, and as a little girl tried to steal something, he slapped her hard. The poor orphan girl, most likely not even 8 feel to the ground and started to cry. The older of the band of orphans, and seemingly the leader, tried to fight the man, but he pulled out a gun to intimidate the kids. They all ran away, but the leader looked back one more time and flipped off the old man. Outraged, the man tried to get out of his stand, but the door was jammed and he almost tore the door completely off. As the hinge started to pull off the wall the door was bolted to, the wall itself cracked slightly.

"Damn kids! All fucking orphans need to be killed, ends my pain...." The old merchant walked to the back of his stand and turned on the large as tank to start his oven for food.

Luffy gripped his gun, Zoro put a hand on his shoulder to calm him down, "Don't Luffy. It's not our problem and we don't have the time to make it ours. The kids got away with no REAL damage, get happy for that least that. Luffy sighed, "Yeah...... fine."

Zoro smiled a little and noticed a bar, "Hey! First bar I've seen in almost 2 weeks! I'm gonna go check it out for Nami and grab me a glass while I'm at it. You should keep looking in other places just in case she's not in here." Zoro ran off to the bar with our really hearing Luffy's answer, "Yeah ok."

Luffy went farther down the street to another bar and decided to look in there.

"What can I get you kid?" Luffy sat at the bar and answered the odd bartender who had his hair in the shape of bull horns. "Any beer you got and stake." Luffy replied with a smile. The bartender went to the back to prepare the meal. Luffy looked around, it was your typical bar, full of losers pricks and mercenaries. Sometimes you couldn't tell the difference. Then Luffy saw a very beautiful butt jiggle a few yards at the end of the bar. "Hey.... I know that ass." He then looked up at the woman's chest, and smiled, "I DEFINATLY... know those boobs." He walked up to her with a smile on his face and tapped her shoulder, "Guess I'm not off the hook any more huh, Nami?" Nami turned to him, also a smile on her face, "I knew you would come. It wasn't hard to think you would." Luffy grinned wide, "Yeah..." then his face got serious, "Where's Chopper?" Nami just huffed slightly, "I had to give him away." Luffy became alarmed, "What!?"

Nami sheepishly grinned, but you could also tell that she was mad as giving Chopper away was not part of HER plan. "I was out gunned. My life is MUCH more important than some score." Luffy couldn't believe this, "Who has him now!?"

-

-

-

"A WHAT!??" The Srg. and his men where behind the building that the bar was in. He was talking to his 'employer'.

"A Robot you imbecile! I've sent one of my... um... 'lesser' powerful ones for you to command to retrieve the child."

Srg.: "But... We got the kid."

"What?"

"Uh.. Yeah... That's what I'm calling you about. We just jumped the girl and seeing how many of us thier were... she just... gave him up."

"....... That's it?"

"Well... she asked for 3,000$ as compensation so I had the fat guy, the douche and the rookie pay her."

"........ Ugh.... You IDOT! She can't LIVE! She spent time with the child! She could know everything about him and if she were to be captured by the government, she could ruin everything!"

"........ Ooooohhh! My bad! We'll go kill her right away sir! Over and out!"

"WAIT! You moron! Wait for the Rob-"

Srg. clicked of the communicator. "ALRIGHT ass-face uglys! We got a hot bitch to fill with led!!!"

Bobby and Lenny looked at their Srg, then at each other, pondering his words, "HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

Srg just rolled his eyes, "Your pussy defiantly is no excuse! We have to kill this chick and then when the mission is over....... LAP DANCES ALL AROUND!!! Jeff's treat!"

All the men cheered like crazy... except Jeff, "Aw man... Why do I always pay???"

Lenny looked at him, "Cuz you're the only one here that rather have food than a girl man."

"Damn it."

-

-

Luffy was angry but couldn't think of what to do. "Why? Why do ANY of this shit?!?" He loved Nami... he'll admit it. But there was something about this job, his promise to Hirulock and to Chopper that made him feel like this was the most important thing in the world right now.

Nami could see this and suddenly, for the first time in a very long time, she felt bad about her actions just because of how someone else felt towards her. "L-Luffy... I'm sorry... And I REALLY mean that." Luffy could see the sincerity in her eyes. ".... Ok Nami... Come on... We can still find Chopper."

*WHAM!!!*

The door to the bar was smashed down as the Followers flooded the building. "Alright sexy lady!" Srg pointed his gun at Nami. "As FINE as you are.... yup, we're gonna have to kill ya." They all started to shoot at her and Luffy.

Luffy grabbed Nami and they hid behind the bar. "Shit, we're too pinned down to maneuver out of this. This isn't like that bar fight, they all have the same target." Luffy was right, they were stuck.

-

-

-

Zoro walked down the street, now drunk, but functional.... enough. Zoro's drunken, happy face looked ahead of him, "What the hell is going on up there?" The gunshots continued to draw his attention. He then became annoyed, figuring this was all caused by Luffy. He opened the door to the bar, or at least his drunken mind thought he opened the door, "Luffy! What the hell are you......." he then noticed all the men who stopped shooting and was now staring at him, ".......Shit."

Bobby looked at Srg, "Srg?"

Srg: "Yeah... Kill him too."

They all shot at Zoro and it seemed like he was horribly gunned down...... it SEEMED that way.

Suddenly Zoro had crouched down and the shots all missed. He now was below them, with two shotguns in his hands....... and one in his mouth.

"Three Gun Shooting style bitches.... gotta love it." He came up from his crouched possition and shot off all three guns. 5 men fell to the ground.

Lenny: "What. The. FUCK!?!?"

Bobby: "Great, some other jackass with gun skills that make us look like toddlers with pop guns! Fuck it.... I quit." Bobby dropped his gun, did a back flip out of the nearest window, and walked off, "I need a fucking drink."

Lenny: "Wow... And here I thought I was gonna be the first to do something like that." Zoro continued shooting and rolled towards Lenny, he put the tip of one of the shot guns to his face. But before Zoro pulled the trigger, Lenny smiled, dropped his gun, and spoke, "Later dude, this is too much bullshit." He patted a very confused Zoro on the back and left out the front door. "I need a drink too."

Srg couldn't believe his eyes, "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE!?!?!" Everyone shook off the confusion and went back to the important things..... solving their problems, with guns.

Zoro made his way to where Luffy and Nami were hiding, "Hey Luffy, what's up. Oh... See you found Nami... Long time no see ya two-timing bitch." Nami looked as if she was going to kill him. Luffy too thought that was a little uncalled for at the moment, "Zoro!" "What? You do your best for this chick all the damn time and the ONE time you fuck she wants you dead. Hey, Nami, you ever stop and think that his one screw up isn't SHIT compared to all the times you let Ace use you, or Sanji. Maybe Luffy should no bout the time you pretended to be Usopp s wife for his parents for 3 months. Oh, and lets not forget the times you used that ass and those tits of yours to get what you wanted out of me, Luffy and anybody else!"

Nami was shocked, Luffy too, but it was just out of nowhere. And it was all true. Now Nami was feeling worse by the second. Zoro huffed, "Look, I'm saying this all because this isn't about the Reindeer kid. Maybe if we get out of this gun fight alive, it'll be about him again, but right now, Nami you need to nut up and accept that Luffy is the best thing that has and probably ever will be the best thing that has happened to you. And Luffy, dude, just tell the bitch you love her unconditionally, figure out what the fuck to do to get us out of here and let us finish all this shit off with a bang or whatever."

*BANG!BOOM!*

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?!" Nami and Zoro looked up to see what had caused the noise.

There, now in the middle of the bar was a giant man in white spotted pants, a black shirt, a white spotted hat, and in his hands, a book.

Srg: "I'm gonna take a guess and say this is that Robo-thing the boss was talking bout."

Zoro ducked back down, "Luffy! What do we do now man!?" Luffy seemed to be lifeless as he stared into nothing. Zoro studied Luffy more, then freaked, "Oh shit."

Nami became alarmed, "What!?" Zoro stood up and shot a few rounds and the 8 or so men that were left. "He's zoning out." Nami rolled his eyes at the unnecessary panic of Zoro, he should know Luffy does this thing all the time, "So what?"

Zoro shook his head, "Look! He's not holding his gun!!!" Nami's eyes widened, she looked again and noticed this truth. "....Fuck."

Now, a quick note on Luffy, you may have noticed that he "zones out" a lot. This is due to something you find out about in a later chapter. But there are different ways he 'zones out'. When he has a gun in his hands, he somehow can 'see' his opponents in his mind and know where they are, even if he can't really see them. But..... when he's in a tight spot like this, and he's just sitting there with NO gun........... That crazy son of a bitch is thinking of something that could get everybody killed.... or VERY fucked up.

"Luffy..." Zoro tried his best to be stern and intimidating to Luffy, but it didn't work. Luffy snapped out of his trance and looked at them, "Nami! I need you!" Zoro smirked, but with a slight twinge of annoyance, "Luffy.... I don't think that kind of thing is what you should be doing right now." Luffy huffed at Zoro's obliviousness. "Trust me, stay here, draw fire. Me and Nami are going to get this over with." Nami went crazy, "WHAT?!?!" Luffy grabbed her by the arm and ran as fast as he could through the back door of the bar.

Zoro stayed, complete faith in Luffy, and shot at the giant robot, keeping it from following Luffy and Nami.

Luffy and Nami ran down the now mostly deserted street. Hanging out against one of the buildings was Bobby and Lenny, the newly FORMER special ops agents known as the followers.

Lenny: "Hey... isn't that that dude and that chick who we were shooting at?"

Bobby: "...Yeeaahhh...... They got away. Guess that means the Srg and everybody else is dead... Thank God we weren t in that shit."

Lenny: "Amen."

"Luffy!! Why the hell are we running and to where!?!?!?" Nami was very pissed and confused. Luffy pulled her into an alley way and pulled her close and looked at her with nothing but seriousness on his face. She was contempt with this, almost in a comforting daze as he stared into her eyes.

"Get naked." She suddenly snapped out her comfort, "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY!??!" Luffy sighed that he had to explain, "Get naked and run down the street in that direction, it is very important that you do this and that a very old man sees you." She couldn't believe what she was hearing, "WHAT?!?! WHY THE FUCKING HELL WOULD I DO THAT YOU BASTARD!!??!?!?" Luffy pulled her closer, still completely serious, an uncomforting blush appearing on Nami's face. "I would never ask you anything like this unless I was necessary and that I KNEW no harm would come to you." That tore it, he was to caring for her, for her to say no, "Ok..." The blush was now angry, "Don't look." Now a blush was on Luffy's face, "Yeah... ok."

Nami quickly took off her clothes and covered her breasts with her hands and slightly crossed her legs. "Ok." Luffy was still turned around from her, "Ok,.. now RUN!" She nodded and ran out into the street, her face as red as possible, ("I SWEAR! If the reason turns out to be stupid, I'm going to MASSACAR Luffy.")

Nami continued running, pass Lenny and Bobby.

Lenny: "That..... Was awesome."

Bobby: "I think I went through puberty a second time."

Lenny: "If only Jeff could have seen that. He would finally realize why we like women more than food."

Bobby: "I don't even think THAT could help Jeff's problem."

Lenny: ".....Yeeeah, probably not."

Nami continued running and finally saw the old man her guessed Luffy was talking about. "What... THE HELL!?! You slut! Put some damn clothes on!" The angry man ran out of his stand, or tried too.

The door was once again stuck, "Damn it! Open. Up. You. God. Damn. DOOR!!!-" The door finally opened, but the hinge came completely loose this time and the stand came crashing down with it, food and wood flying everywhere. "DAMN IT!!! I'll get you for this you naked bit-"

*WHAM!*

Luffy had come from behind and knocked out the old man and now casually walked into the man's house and grabbed the large gas tank. Nami was stunned, "That....... was IT!??!!??"

Luffy came out and smiled, "Yeah, thanks Nami! You did great!"

Nami was still blown out of her mind, "What was the point of all that!?!?" Luffy put the gas tank down, "I need this tank to finish my plan. I saw the old man had one, and I notice the door was loose and also connected the stand part of the house. All I needed was an extreme distraction to get the man angry enough to where he would be so mad that he didn't think about the consequences of busting his door down. It would bring the stand down and have the old man distracted more for me to knock him out."

"Why couldn't you just shoot him!??!"

".... Nami, you know me, I don't like to kill 'innocent' people, he was a bastard, but he didn't deserve to die. And another gun fight would take to long." he picked up a machine gun from the rubble, "And he was a fully loaded, trigger happy ODB."

Nami knew he didn't like to kill the 'innocent'.... or let them suffer.

Then something popped in Nami's head, "But WHY did I have to be NAKED!??!?"

Luffy just grinned, so wide, that she couldn't see his blush, "Because you have the sexiest body ever! And what's a better distraction than a beautiful woman and her gorgeous body?"

Nami's whole body was blushing, "Luffy......"

Lenny and Bobby were watching the whole thing from afar.

Lenny: "That guy... is, THE SHIT!.... I wanna work for him."

Bobby: "Hellz yeah. And what s up with that whole, 'I can see things others can't and notice the tinest things to help me in big problems' thing."

Lenny: "Maybe he has like Spider-Sense or something."

Bobby: ".....Or really good peripheral vision."

Lenny: "........Yeah, no, I'm gonna stick to my Spider-Sense theory."

Luffy picked up the gas tank and pointed it at the bar. He could see Zoro fending of the massive robot with his 3 gun style shooting. "HEY ZOROOO!!!!" Zoro looked out into the street aggressively and pissed, "WHAT!!?!?!?!!!!" He then noticed the large gas tank. Luffy chuckled and grinned to himself, "Moooove!" Zoro's jaw dropped and his 3rd gun fell out of his mouth, "......Fuck."

Luffy knocked of the cap of the tank and let it soar down to the bar.

*VVVVVVVVVVVVVMMMMMMMMM!*

Zoro jumped out a window.

The tank passed Lenny and Bobby.

Lenny took a sip of his drink through a straw, "..........Damn."

As the gas tank entered the bar, Luffy shot a bullet at the tank.

I'm sure you can guess what happened next.......

Srg did, "Sweet Michael Jackson's son Blanket's Ghost!!!"

*BBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

The explosion was massive.

As time passed the dust settled and Zoro came up form a pile of rubble, "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!??!?!!?!"

Luffy just snorted, "You knew SOMETHING like that was going to happen. Besides, you're still alive."

"......... You know what..... I don't even care, you're right. I'm alive and everything is going- HOLY SHIT!!"

Zoro had just realized Nami was STILL naked, "WHY ARE YOU NAKED!??!"

Nami too remembered this and shrieked as she covered herself, "ZORO YOU PERVERT!"

"WHAT?!!?!"

Luffy tried to calm them down, "Come on guys. We now have to find Chopper. Chopper, remember, short, cute reindeer kid.... craps his pants whenever danger happens?"

Suddenly, the main debris from the bar, the giant robot was still operational.... and barley a scratch on it.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!??!" Zoro almost crapped his pants.

"Man......." Luffy whined, "...Well... I'm out of ideas."

"DAMN IT!!! I can't BELIVE I'm going die naked!! I just know some FREAK is going to come along and fuck my corpse! GOD!!!! I'm just that sexy... I don't want it to end like this!!!!"

Lenny: "We-he-hell, They're boned."

Bobby: "Yup."

Zoro shot at the robot, but it moved too fast. And just like that........ Luffy, Nami, and Zoro were all knocked unconscious, and in the robot's arms.

The rubble of the bar moved again and Srg popped out like a daisy, "ALRIGHT!! I'm alive. Ok men! If you're NOT dead..... um... make some kind of noise that means you're alive."

Dale: "I'm alive sir."

Jeff: "....Uh, Me too.... need food."

Srg: "Damn it. No one good."

Marty: "I'm alive too sir...... ow."

Srg: "Damn it! Like I said before, no one good!"

Srg looked over at the robot who had just captured their enemy, then at Lenny and Bobby.

"THANK GOD YOU TWO ARE STILL HERE! Quick, take your jobs back before I revoke my invitation!"

Lenny: "No way, fuck you, we don't want our lame ass, underpay, bitch-tit jobs back."

Bobby: "Yeah, I'm good."

Srg ran up to them and got on his knees, "Pleeeeeeeeease!! It'll be a nightmare going back to base with a loser, a douche and whatever the hell that rookie Maivis kid is."

Marty: "Uh, It's... martin... sir."

Srg: "Quite Malory! The big boys are talking!"

Lenny then got a good idea, "I don't know..... you that desperate, maybe you should put it in our best interests."

Srg.: "I will NOT perform sexual favors on ANY of you."

Lenny: "Ew dude! Hell no! I meant like a raise, recognition, promotion without all the down turns of a promotion, like paper work."

Bobby: "Or authority increase."

Lenny: "Yeah, what he said."

Srg thought a minute on his options, "Ok.... When we get back I will say YOU TWO captured the mercenaries and the kid SINGLE HANDEDLY."

Lenny: "Hell yeah! That's what I'm talking about!"

Bobby: "Let's do it!"

Bobby and Lenny were now realigned with the Followers and the headed back to America.

-

-

Usopp and Sanji rode up to a town where they were told by government intelligence was a 100 percent confirmed sighting of the mercenary with the secret weapon of mass destruction.

Usopp asked some people some questions while Sanji looked around.

Sanji noticed several destroyed buildings, "Hey Sopp! Come look at this mess."

Usopp came running up, he too found something very interesting, "I talked to some people and they said they say several people shooting it out over something." Usopp noticed the devastation of the buildings, "Damn! Anyways, look! The all said the most notable was a green haired guy, an orange haired girl and a kid with a STRAWHAT." Sanji pondered all this, "But if Luffy IS caring the weapon.... I don't think he knows it."

"My thoughts exactly."

Sanji then remembered something he saw on his old M.J.D.D he still had active. He looked it up agian, "There!" he pointed at the description of a reindeer child, only 30 reports were given out for his capture by mercenaries and it was first come first serve. The job had already been closed and considered finished as they looked at it. Sanji was pointing at the address, both him and Usopp said it at the same time, "The ENGLAND Company, based out of AMERICA!!!"

Sanji pulled out his phone, "Hello? This is secret agent Sanji........ I need President of the Americas.... Mr. Garp."

-

-

-

The sacks used to blindfold Luffy and the rest was taken off their heads.

Luffy: "Where are we?"

A man came down stairs.... with Chopper in his hands, "Welcome to America...... I am Professor VEGAPUNK!"

To be Continued.... 


	8. Suffering from Insanity? I'll cure You

Yes, Vegapunk as the bad guy is VERY unexpected, my point. I'm sure ya'll are going "why pick him when we don't even know what he looks like", but hey, I'm sure you guys have imagined what he looks like, so just use that.

Chapter SEVEn: Suffering from Insanity? I'll cure You... WITH MY CRAZY!

Everyone was inside the warehouse, Vegapunk, Luffy (tied up), Zoro (tied up), Nami (tied up... AND NAKED!... still), an unconscious Chopper, the Followers, Vegapunk's assistant, and the aluminous robot.

"Vega-what???......Never heard of him." Luffy just looked at the man. He then noticed Chopper in his hands, "Hey! Let Chopper go! And let us out of here you jackass!"

Vegapunk smirked menacingly, "You naive fool.... You have NO idea what this child is capable of.... His potential!, What lies inside of him!, You are a imbecile to not think that this odd creature of obvious hybrid mutation is just a common freak!"

Luffy's face once again turned to an unimpressed feature, "....... Who said I didn't VegasPunk."

The mispronounce of his name did not annoy him, but his faithful assistant in the corner was very angered by the disrespect and wielded his giant broadaxe at Luffy, "Hey! Don't disrespect Vegapunk no ojiki! You shitty merc!"

Vegapunk chuckled coldly, "There is no need Sentoumaru, for such an outburst. Teaching respect is wasted on such filth." Luffy agreed, "Damn right! I don't want you jackasses telling ME what to do! Go eat a bag of tiny dicks, bet you'd like THAT KIND of snack wouldn't you fatty!", he shouted his last words at Sentoumaru.

Lenny laughed and was excitedly impressed by Luffy's retort, "Damn! That's like something I'd say to you Jeff. Why haven't I?"

Jeff stayed small, "....shut up...."

Sentoumaru would have chopped Luffy's head off if it wasn't for Vegapunk holding him back, "Srg Ahab,"

Srg responded, "Yes sir!"

"You and your men's 'services' are no longer needed. The PX1 will show you out and give you your payment."

"Yes sir! Come on boys! Let's blow this joint!"

Bobby: "Sorry sir, no oral sex on the first date."

Lenny: "Yeah, and I smoke joints, not blow them."

Srg: "I swear to god if I don't get better soldiers for hire, I might shoot myself."

Hearing this, Bobby and Lenny pulled Srg's leg even more, hoping it would metaphorically snap off.

Bobby: "Oh yes Lenard, our devious plot for the Srg to commit suicide is working."

Lenny: "E-xcelnt Robert.... soon the whole world will be mine. HAHAHAHAHA!"

Srg: "I hate you two, you're nothing but a pair of rim jobs."

Lenny: "Thank you sir, and we hate you too."

Bobby: "If you're wondering who hates you more sir, It's Lenny."

Lenny: "Guilty as charged."

Srg: "Damn Ass-pixies."

This conversation lasted all the way till the bottom floor of the enormous 8 stories England Company Warehouse. All 6 of the Followers and the PX1 fit in the large elevator as it traveled downward. The Followers stepped out of elevator and stood in the lobby.

Srg: "So.... Where's that sexy pay check?"

The all turned back around to the Robot PX1 and noticed it's mouth was open...... and a large beam charging.

"SON OF A BITCH!!!"

*VVVVVVVMMMMMM-BBBBBBOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

-

-

-

The explosion was heard all the way in the 8th floor.

Luffy: "What was that!?"

Vegapunk smiled heartlessly, "The 'no longer useful' sergeant and his men received their 'payment'. After all, I can't have loose strings know of me or this child's existence. It's do DAMN important to be ruined!"

Luffy didn't understand. Zoro, who was quite till now, spoke, "What do you mean!? What does any of whatever the hell this is have to do with Chopper!??!" Nami too spoke, "Yeah! Why are you such a dick!?!? Killing off everyone who comes in contact with him!"

Vegapunk now turned mad, "Because...... I'm going to slit his throat and watch his blood fill the life force of THEM who are worthy!" Vegapunk then flicked a switch on the wall. Revealing the thousands of life pods behind a large see-through glass wall. "W......What.... on earth!!" Even in exclamation, Zoro's dry throat was almost voiceless. Vegapunk began to laugh wildly, "HEHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! You see it!?!? MY CHILDREN!!! Beautiful, aren t they???"

"You see, I have been searching and searching and searching and SEARCHING! for THE perfect being, one that cannot die from anything but old age, because, let's face it, mortality seems to be so out of reach. But the length of your life if not a SINGLE ailment can cross you? Not even the diseases that come with old age? Marvelous! However...... until recently all my attempts failed. Then, I found that fool Hirulock. It seemed his insanity and pitiful meaning of existence was what helped him find the answer. But he simply wanted to find a 'CURE' to the nuclear mutations. I want to do recreate the world. Imagine, we sit around content with the world we've destroyed, only content because we're still ALIVE! Humans are vile creatures, our down fall should have been fully executed centuries ago. But instead, we rot, most likely waiting for our next apocalypse. So I say..... let THAT apocalypse, BEGIN!"

Vegapunk then flicked another switch and revealed what was thought to be long existent....... an atom bomb.

"The LARGEST ever made. EVER. Not even that idiotic president knows of it's existence. Now, with this boy in my hands, I will fuse his blood with my 'children' and set off the bomb. You see, Tony Tony Chopper as you call him has 37 different species' blood inside of him. According to Hirulock's research, Chopper is the first vessel to be transfused with different types of blood, spawn form Hybrid Theory and then..... injected with nuclear radiation and survive. He is a breed born of no disease, nothing can kill him but age and those useless traits of humans. Rage, jealousy, anger, sorrow, pain, without those, death is NOT inevitable. Instead LIFE is far stretched beyond imagination. I will wipe out the GREATEST disease known as mankind and have my hybrid children rebirth the world in awe! You see!?!?! This radiation that spread in the later century and is almost consuming us is not anything short of the REAL 'salvation'! The mutants in those areas are not the freaks or spawns of evil. Instead, they are ahead of the curve and we HUMANS are the spawns of evil. This boy is the carrier of that VERY radiation that will END humanity and bring the TRUE light to our darkened world! MARVILOUS! MARVILOUS! MARVILOUS! HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Zoro and Nami were horrified, truly no one so psychotic exists in this world. Someone so hostile, thoughtless and cure to his OWN species.

Luffy.... just got angry, "FUCK YOU VIGINAPUKE!!!" Vegapunk and Sentoumaru looked on at Luffy in unsettling confusion, they did not expect an uproar at this plan, only fear and panic. "You think I give a shit about your gay-ass vendetta to the fucking human race!?!? Free the world of the 'human disease'??? That's what you're basically saying right? WHAT THE FUCK IS FREE ABOUT IT!?!?!!?! All I hear is one fucked up race being killed off for another to take its place. You're "children" will LEARN and you'll be right back where you started. One thinks different. You kill him to silence his teachings, simple. Then someone else questions your reason for his death. Kill him. Then another questions. Then another. Then another. Kill. Kill. Another. Another. Kill. Now one doesn't question... he RISES. Takes action, maybe as FAR as rebellion. If you're lucky YOU'LL die of old age before you see your 'precious' world you created destroy its self..... You experience this... and you'll just TRUELY know how GOD feels....... So I say, FUCK YOU! and your damn insanity." Luffy stood up and smirked, "Crazy is cooler anyway, and for the past 30 minutes I've been thinking up a way to shove a whole lot of it up your ass."

-

-

The lobby is torn, shredded and pretty much sodimized. The Followers had just gone through an epic battle. (And you don't know what happened, HA!)

"DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!..... You dead yet?" Srg finally got tired of hitting the severed head of the PX1 with his gun and went back to his men. Somehow they had not only survived but completely DESTROYED the robot. "Alright boys... there's only six of us from our original.... uhhhh... Robert! What was our original number?"

Bobby: "47 sir."

Srg: "What the hell is with that gay ass odd number!? Next time we have an even number of men or we get enough guys to make it even. And I don't mean just up one for like a gay even number like 48 or 36 I mean a MAN'S even number like 50, 70, 100 or 69."

Marty: "Um... 69 isn't an even number sir."

Srg: "Yeah.... but it's still a SWEET ASS number!"

Lenny: "For once we agree."

Jeff: "I don't get it."

Lenny: "Of COURSE you don't."

Dale: "And what if we can't find enough men Srg. Ahab?"

Lenny: "Wow, kiss-ass and a downer at the same time, good old "What a douche" Dale."

Dale: "Hey, I believe your boyfriend over there is horny, go fuck him then go fuck yourself."

Bobby: "You want gay? I'll shove something up your ass... and it WON'T be my dick, plus it with be larger and more painful." Bobby cocked his gun.

Srg: "If we can't have an even number of men next time then we will simply have to kill them off till we have a 'cool' even number be the elimination of one of the 3 depending on my mood, whether it be Arm wrestling or Rock, Paper, Scissors tournaments or musical chairs."

Marty: "Isn't that a little.... EXTREME?"

Dale: "Shut up noob, you don't get to question our boss's decisions."

Lenny: "But I do. Two things Srg. One: That IS a little too much. And two: How the fuck has Dale lived so long in our band of 'quick-to-die', easy-ass targets?"

Srg: "Your guess is as good as mine."

Dale: "B-b-but-but-but Srg!"

Srg: "GODDAMN IT! Again with that bitchy stuttering! Go to the back with the other men."

Dale: "WHAT OTHER MEN!?!? There is only 6 of us left and we're all right here in a damn circle taking about NOTHING!!!"  
Srg: "Jesus (He pronounces it like 'hey-sus') Christ! Did your panties get in a bunch with your period blood or something?"

Lenny: "Whoa, Srg, the blood thing was WAY too far... even for DALE."

Bobby: "Yeah.. for real, we usually just stick to PMSing or something like that. Talking about the leakage is gross."

Srg: "Ah you are all a bunch of pussies. The woman's period is a beautiful thing, start to finish."

All (even Jeff, huh): "AHH! God! Ew! Dude that's gross!"

Lenny: "Chill OUT man!"

Dale: "I completely agree sir."

Srg: "Didn't I tell you to GO somewhere?"

Dale: "But..."

Srg: "NO BUTTS! Butts are for queers and rapists..... and the Amish."

Marty: "Actually sodimy is against our religion."

They all look at Marty.

Lenny: "OUR religion?"

Mary: "Well.... my family is Amish, I went through Rumspringa and well.... never went back."

Lenny: "Huh... well how bout that."

Jeff stares stupidly at Marty: "You don't LOOK Jewish."

Srg: "A-n-y-waaays.... You! Douche McCoy! In a corner or something, NOW!"

This time Dale didn't argue and stood with his nose in a corner of the building.

Lenny: "Hahahahaha! This is AWSOME hilarious!"

Bobby: "Man, if only YouTube still existed I would so put this on there."

Srg then got very serious, "Now! There s only 5 of us from our original band of 47-"

Dale: "I'm still here!"

Srg: "DON'T INTERRUPT ME!!!"

Lenny: "If ONLY we had a dunce hat to put on him."

Srg: "Now... my question is.... you boys still want the money THAT SON OF A BITCH OWES US!?!?"

All (except Dale, he's not allowed): "YEAH!!!"

Srg: "YOU WANT TO KICK SOME ASS!?!?!"

All (except Dale): "YEAH!!!!"

Srg: "YOU WANT LAP DANCES AFTER WARDS!?!?!?"

All (except Jeff) (and Dale): "YEAH!!!"

Jeff (quietly): "...I want food..."

Srg: "GOOD! Now I have one more question for my soldier boys!!!"

All (in 'true' military fashion) (except Dale): "AND WHAT IS THAT SIR!?!?"

Srg: "One of ya'll will have to take all this dynamite I suddenly have, rig it up throughout the entire building and set it off....... So which one will it be?"

Silence.

Srg: "No takers? Well then..... guess we'll just have to decide this by......... MUSICAL CHAIRS!!!"

Lenny: "Guess you'll lose, eh Jeff?"

Jeff: "You know what?! FUCK YOU Lenard!"

Lenny: "Whoa... Dude I-"

Jeff: "NO! SHUT THE FUCK UP! Give me that goddamn dynamite! I'll show you who's a fucking pussy Lenard!"

Jeff ran off UP THE STEPS to go throughout the building to place out dynamite.

Bobby seemed to begin to cry: "Jeff finally got his balls man..."

Lenny also began to "cry": "No... he's always had them... but now... they've finally dropped... He grew up so damn fast.... I... I didn't realize he was slipping away."

Suddenly, hidden doors opened everywhere, "Ooooooo So SCARY these men are....These men are.... These men are...."

Hundreds of robots appeared, however they did not look like the PX1.... instead, the all were normal sized men, wearing sunglasses and yellow and white striped blazers.

Bobby: "Hey... these guys all look like Kunie Tanaka when he played Barsilono in the 1970's Japanese Movie Truck Yaro!"

Lenny: "Kunie Tanaka? You mean the Japanese actor who has appeared in such movies as Kwaidan, Sanjuro, The Bad Sleep Well, Minna no Ie, and Gakko?"

Marty: "Also has been nominated for five Japanese Academy Awards, winning the Best Supporting Actor statuette for Gakko in 1993."

Lenny looks at Marty: "I didn't know you were a Tanaka Fan!"

Marty: "His is a GREAT Actor!"

Bobby: "I know what we're watching on movie night."

Srg: "I'm personally a Yusaku Matsuda fan when it comes to actors of the Japanese filmography myself."

Dale: "I like Bunta Sugawara."

Srg: "NO ONE ASKED YOU!!"

Dale: "....."

As they continued to talk (morons) the robots attacked, "Yasakata no Magatama!!!!" and they all fired laser beams.

-

-

Vegapunk heard the explosions and knew it only meant the Followers had survived PX1 and was now gunning for revenge. He looked at Luffy who had just cussed him out and made philosophical since. "Well it seems a thinker like you would understand my point of view, but you are to blinded by your weak attachment to 'your' humanity to understand my reasoning. So I wish you the best of you last hours of life for you will spend it here with your friends. As he left for the emergency elevator he notices the still naked Nami and smirked. "Sentoumaru if you please." Sentoumaru understood and slung Nami over his shoulders, "HEY!! LET GO YOU BASTARD!!!" Both Nami and Luffy shouted at the same time. Vegapunk smiled evilly and taunting at Nami, "I will need someone to mate with... You don't think I'll breed with my 'children' do you?" Nami screamed in horror, but it became muffled inside the elevator.

Zoro looked at Luffy "What the hell are we going to do?!?!...... Luffy?" Luffy just stared at the elevator with a blank stare.... he wasn't Zoning out.... because that required KNOWING what he was going to do next.

To Be Continued.... 


	9. Tomorrow Goes on How You Make Today

Chapter EIGHt: Tomorrow Goes on How You Make Today

Luffy's world was crumbling before him, his 'girl' was being taken away to be screwed by a really fugly looking dude while the world is going to end for him and every other 'diseased ridden' human. "LUFFY!" Zoro tried to get his attention, "What do we do now?!" Luffy still didn't know and he couldn't face Zoro to tell him he was mentally screwed.

"Huh.... Huh... Huh... Ahhh....! Stairs.... My.... ha.... enemy.... damn you.... ha....." Jeff struggled up the last flight of stairs and noticed the tied up and helpless mercenaries. "Hey! I know you guys!" Luffy and Zoro looked over. "Wait, we know you too." Zoro analyzed Jeff, "..... your that fat guy with those other mercs that make fun of you all the time."

Jeff snorted, "Hmph, we don't go by 'MERCS' for we are not scum! We prefer soilders for hire!"

Zoro and Luffy looked at him, ".... You ARE an idiot..."

This basically kicked Jeff's self esteem in the nuts. "Thanks... now if you'll excuse me! I have to tell the Srg the dynamite is all placed." Jeff sat down his last piece and headed towards the stairs. Then Luffy's brain began to work again. "Wait!" Jeff turned around, "What???" Luffy smirked proudly, "Untie us and let Zoro go with you.... and tell your Srg. I have a plan."

-

-

The elevator came to a stop at the bottom floor in the back of the building. Vegapunk picked up a now mouth gagged Nami and handed Sentoumaru the still uncurious Chopper, "Here... you finish the transfusion process 'below' and I will be waiting in the bunker. Hurry my friend... I would 'HATE' it if you died out here." The blindly loyal Sentoumaru nodded and proceeded the elevator to the BASEMENT level. Vegapunk headed off somewhere near the building.

-

-

"DUDE! WE'VE GOT OUR ASSES PINNED WORSE THAN A 12 YEAR OLD BLONDE WHEN SHE ASKED HER DAD ABOUT SEX WHEN THEY WERE 'CONVENIANTLY' HOME ALONE!!!!" Lenny and the others hid behind the lobby's large front desk as the 'Kizaru-bots' continued their laser beam barrage. "Are you all still alive???" they all questioned at once.

Bobby: "I don't know... let us all check our pulses-"

They all popped out from behind the desk and shot at them.

*TLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLTLLTTLLTLTLTLTLTLTLT*

Most of the bots weren t even effected by the bullets. The robots quickly resumed thier onslaught and the Followers had to duck down once again.

Lenny: "Shit! We are mega boned here."

Bobby looked over at the Srg who was surprisingly in the fetal position.

Bobby: "You think it'll happen again."

Lenny: "Tch. Doubt it. We got lucky when Marty shoved his gun in that PX-thingy's mouth and it made a clinking sound that sounded like a Vietnams prostitute."

Bobby: "Wait. I got it!"

Bobby shot upwards toward the sprinkles in the ceiling and they all went off.

Suddenly, Srg began shaking and going spastic. "TghchigagagagafuckshittahackksAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Srg just like fucking hulked out.

Something about Srg, regardless that he is the leader of mercenaries- I mean 'soldiers for hire'- When faced with extreme odds of dyeing, he becomes scarred shitless and almost pisses himself. You would too..... if you fought in the SECOND Vietnam War..... What can I say LBJ IV fucked up like his great-granddad. And due to this 'post-traumatic' syndrome not only pansies but wicked shit scary killing skills came with it when he is reminded of anything about Vietnam. Say a Vietnamese prostitute.... or 'rain'.

"DIE YOU FUCKING CHARLIES!!!!!!!"

Srg began charging at the robots as the water poured down upon his enemy. He grabbed one and gunned the fuck out of another. He continued his unadulterated carnage.... while singing. "If you like pina coladas!!!..... And getting caught in the RAIN!!!! If you're not into yoga!" he beat down another Kizaru-bot and field goal kicked its head off. "YOU JUST GOT OWNED!!!.... And you have half a brain..."

The guys now just stood there, watching their Srg waste the robots.

Lenny: "Huh... "Escape" (The Pina Colada Song) by Robert Holmes... I was actually kind of wanting him to finish "More Than a Feeling" by Boston."

Bobby: "... Me too actually. Who knew he had a voice for karaoke."

Srg: "I'm the lady you've looked for! Write to me, and escape!"

-

-

Jeff looked as if he just went brain dead, "We're gonna WHAT!?!?!"

Luffy shook his head at the fat guy's ignorance, "Not you dumbass, ME."

"Oooooh, I like this plan more now.... Even though it is still freaking psychotic."

Zoro put his hand on Jeff's shoulder, "You'll get used to it, I don't fully get his plan either.... Let's go."

He and Jeff headed for the stairs. Zoro looked back one more time at Luffy, "You sure?"

Luffy nodded with confidence, "Yeah! You know what I say, Today is How you Make It . "

Zoro smiled, "And Tomorrow Goes on How You Make Today, yeah, I remember." and followed Jeff down stairs.

-

-

Srg had finished his rampage and with the destruction of the last Kizaru-bot. "Ha... Ha... Oh shit.... I have to sit down..." He fumbled to the floor, sitting on his butt and catching his breath.

Lenny: "You ok Srg?"

Bobby: "Wow, didn't know you cared Lenny."

Lenny: "Hey, the guy saved our lives... TWICE. The least I could do is be concerned for about 5 seconds..... Ok, times up. So Srg, if you kill over now from a heart attack or something, I won't care."

Srg: "I rather.... ha... have an alien..... ha.... defecate.... on my corpse..... ha.... than have you cry over me.... and I don't mean.... an ALIEN... ha.... I mean.... a Mexican...... ha.... they're filthier...."

Lenny: "And that folks, was Srg's racist slur of the day."

Zoro and Jeff came down the stairs and met up with the others. But Srg saw Zoro first and thought other wise, "Chubby look out!" he pointed his gun at Zoro.

Jeff: "Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! It's all good Srg! He and his buddy are with us now. They want that Vegan guy dead too. And you HAVE to hear what he is planning to do."

-

-

Vegapunk nearly made it to the bunker when he heard a lot noise from up above. As the large crash sounded from the top floor of the building an object came hurdling down ward.

*WHAM*

A corpse of one of Vegapunk's 'children' hit the pavement. "WHAT?!?!?" He looked up and saw Luffy looking out of the large hole of broken glass he had just made. "SENTOURMARU!" he yelled through a com link he had with his henchman. "Yes boss?"

"I need you up here, NOW!"

"But... I haven't fully begun the trans fusion."

"NOW! IF YOU DON'T, THERE MIGHT NOT BE A CHANCE TO!!!"

"Hold it right there Bitch-punk"

Vegapunk looked around and saw Zoro with the Followers with their guns pointed at him.

"You think you all can STOP me!?!? HA! You can't stop the inevitable!"

"Vega-no ojiki! I am here! What is wrong! Don't touch him you swine!" Sentoumaru swung his axe at Zoro and the others and the backed off a little. The Followers were about to shoot him down when Zoro saw he had Chopper in his hands. "Wait! We can't hurt the kid! We WON'T hurt the kid!"

Srg: "Damn it! And I had a good shot!"

Zoro: "We WON'T hurt him!"

Lenny: "I swear we'll just hit the fat sumo guy."

Zoro: "I'm not taking any chances."

Zoro turned back around to face Sentoumaru. "Hey, what do you say about a one on one fight, no weapons?"

Sentoumaru smirked, "I don't think so." and swung his broadaxe.

Zoro smirked too, "I didn't think so."

*BANG!*

Zoro had hidden a shot gun under his coat and Sentoumaru s swing left him open... for a head shot.

Chopper fell out of his now lifeless arms and was caught by Zoro.

Lenny: "Talk about not seeing it coming."

Vegapunk went ballistic, "YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU THINK I'M GOING TO LET YOU GET AWAY WITH THIS!?!?!?!?" He pulled out a gun and pointed it to Nami's head.

"HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Everyone looked up. The scream came from Luffy, who was now at the VERY edge of the hole in the building, holding about something small.

Zoro's eyes widened, "HOLY SHIT!!"

Bobby: "What?"

Zoro: "That's a fucking bomb disruptor!!!"

Marty: "What's that?"

Zoro: " A small ass-hole of a device. It can remotely set off ANY kind of explosive.... like say FUCKING DYNAMITE!"

Srg: "Oh hell...."

Luffy jumped.

And along the way he clicked the bomb disruptor every 2 or 3 seconds, setting of all the dynamite on each floor. Vegapunk's world becoming ash.

"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Zoro smirked, "Man, that thing is SUPER black market, it must have taken him forever to find one."

But then the smirk vanished, "LUFFY YOU IDIOT! WHY JUMP 8 STORIES!!?!?!?!?!"

The Followers, and Nami, realized this too.

Lenny: "Dude, he is SO DEAD when he hits the ground!"

As the building came crumbling down, Luffy became closer and closer to Vegapunk, until finally....

*WHAM!!!!!!!!!!*

I don't know what a punch backed up with a force of falling 8 stories down first feels like...... but Vegapunk is NOT getting up from one.

As Vegapunk hit the ground, blood gushing from his head..... so did Luffy.

He slid down the pavement, his blood making a wide trail.

Zoro: "LUFFY!!! SHIT! He's bleeding really badly!"

Those were the last words Luffy heard as he blacked out........ maybe, as he died.

To be Concluded.........

Lenny with a piece of paper in his hand, he reads off of it. "We "may" have recently use jokes that were VERY offensive to the following: pre-teen sex curious blondes, mexicans and.... What??? The Amish!? How the FUCK are they gonna know we EVEN said anything!?!? This is bullshit.... Uh.. oh and thank you for your time." 


	10. Two Boobs and a Funeral

Chapter NINe: Two Boobs and a Funeral

"LUFFY!!!" Zoro had untied Nami and she ran to him, her heart racing, body pulsing with fear. And yes... she IS still naked.

Sirens where wailing in the distance, their noise got closer and closer. Until several vehicles came into view, all barring the North American government symbol.

"ALL RIGHT! NO BODY MOVE!!" Sanji and Usopp stepped out of their car first. Usopp noticed Nami on her knees over Luffy, crying, sobbing, begging for him to still be alive. "Oh shit... Sanji, look." He pointed over to her and Luffy. Sanji was shocked, "Luffy...... you dumbass."

"SANJI! USOPP! Secure this area! We'll worry about the kid's injuries later." an old man stepped out of another car, several men in black suits followed up close all around him.

Sanji spoke up first, like Luffy, he really never liked the government that much, "Fuck you Mr. 'President'! He's my friend! And I'm not gonna let-" He became utterly silent as the President of North America approached him with a solemn look shadowed by the light of the sun. "You now better Agent Sanji.... We saw something fall from the top floor of this building as we came this way. And now we know it was this kid.... And we ALL know..." The President looked at Zoro and the Followers, who already knew themselves (except Jeff who is stupid) that there was no way Luffy could have survived. "... We all know, that kid is dead already..."

Nami screamed and sobbed in horror as those words were pronounced from the president's lips.

Sanji respectfully bowed, "President Garp... please, there is Vegapunk," he pointed at the other bloody heap on the concrete, "The building is in smoking shambles, the threat, whatever it was... Is over, so PLEASE, let's just get him out of here."

Garp nodded, "Fine, this boy has earned that much, regardless of what he has done in his life, he deserves a proper, respectful burial. Put him in my car." He looked at Zoro (holding Chopper) and Nami..... a while at Nami, "Err.... You two can come too. Can someone get this woman some clothes!?! I doubt she's naked by choice."

Zoro (carrying an unconscious Chopper) and Nami got in President Garp's car as the Followers separated into other cars and they all drove off in silence. As they neared the white house, Chopper opened his eyes.

-

-

Ace arrived a few days later to the funeral. Zoro, Usopp, Sanji, many fellow mercenaries, press, politicians and even President Garp were there. Nami was in a corner in black weeping and Chopper never leaving the coffin's side, face all a flood. "..... *sniff*..... Luffy..... *sniff*.... w~h~y~?"

The Followers had left earlier that day. They had paid their respects but all felt like they were intruding.

Ace stood up at the podium first to speak. "Luffy, my bro.......... No one knew this but, we grew up as orphans with Nami, Usopp, and Sanji in Japan in NewChina, but one day just the two of us went out to the forbidden lands in India, so near the city. Luffy... he got bit by some bug, or plant or something, an just started throwing up all over the place. As we wandered throw that fucking jungle to get out... we nearly made it out before we ran into a crazy old woman with red hair, she kind of looked like a mole. She screamed at Luffy, "One of us! None of us! One of them! None of them! Better or the same! You will be better...... or just the same." I never understood what that meant, but later on in life he started to just zone out and mentally disappear from the world...... And when he came back, he knew all these things, and could just figure out all these problems and make heads of tails of the toughest situations...... It was crazy. He just became gifted in the art of strategy, even if his solutions were always the most extreme, they all seemed the most perfect at the same time. And he made a lot of friends in this world too, and even a lover." Nami sobbed silently, "We'll miss you bro...... good luck in your next life." Ace sat down and Zoro went up and began his speech.

President Garp stood up and headed out the room. His two main bodyguards followed him, "Mr. President, why are we leaving?" Garp chuckled as he answered his right hand man, "Coby, this is not a place for a president to be, he has more oppressing matters than to attend a 'resection'." Coby and the other, blonde, bodyguard looked at him questioningly. But followed orders and followed the president out.

Zoro finished and Nami went up. She hugged Chopper and he finally went to sit down. "Lu-Luffy was....... Luffy was........ Damn it!" her face was covered in tears. "I loved him damn it! And he never really knew that!!! And now he's gone!" She ran to the coffin and hugged his corpse. "If it means anything to you Luffy..... I would have had sex with you that night..... a hundred times over....." Her tears continued.

"Gudtno..."

Nami's eyes widened, everyone else's did too, they were all speechless. Nami jumped backwards at the muffled voice....... of Luffy.

There, in the coffin, Luffy was pale white..... and alive. He smiled warmly at everyone, "Wow Nami.. I'll admit it was nice waking up to you boobs in my face, but why am I in a coffin and why are you crying...." he looked around, "And why the hell is everybody freaking out.... Who the hell died?"

Nami's first reaction was confusion, then relief, the bliss... then anger. "LUFFY YOU BASTARD!!!" she ran to him and beat at his chest, her tears really flowing. "WHY AREN'T YOU DEAD!?!? WHY DID YOU DO THAT!?!!? WHY ARE YOU ALIVE!!?!?! WHY!? WHY!? WHY?!... Why didn't you tell me you were ok???" she now just buried her face in his chest, hoping his body would comfort her. Luffy then remembered what he had done, and apparently enough time had elapsed for them to think him dead and to have his funeral, which would explain why he was in a coffin.

"I'm sorry Nami.... I'm sorry." She wiped her tears away, "It's ok.... just promise me one thing." She looked at him and he simple smiled, "Anything." She placed one hand on his cheek and looked at him intently, "Be with me...." Luffy blushed but answered swiftly, "Of course... I love you." She smiled with joy and hugged him.

"LUUUFFFFYYYY!!!!!!" Chopper sprinted up to the coffin and hugged him insanely. Luffy ruffled the fur on his head, "Told you I'd see this through for you Chopper." Everyone was now content and full of relief. They didn't know or understand how... but we re glad Luffy was still alive.

-

-

Garp got into his car, as he did and Coby and the other bodyguard followed, Coby couldn't help but ask. "Mr. President... um.... Garp sir.... What did you mean by resurrection?" Garp chuckled again at the memory.

-

-

Garp walked into his private hospital wing were his personal doctor was doing Luffy's autopsy, "What is it Hogback."

The doctor looked stunned beyond repair, "It's remarkable Mr. President. As I look for the fatal wounds......... they seem to have..... DISAPREARED! I then studied the boy's blood, tissue and DNA. And his body repair growth is ungodly! It seems..... it seems that he is a mutant! But he show NO cell deterioration or any deficiency of any kind! He's like the perfect hybrid. No devolutionary signs and complete, exponential healing capabilities. I estimate he will make a full recovery in 3 days and live for many years to come."

Garp laughed wildly, "That's amazing! This boy sure IS something else. Well fish the 'autopsy' and make up some bogus mumbo-jumbo about his death."

Dr. Hogback looked confused, "Sir?"

Garp grinned, "This boy is a mutant/human hybrid of 'PERFECT' proportions. No one should know that. So at his funeral, when he most likely wakes up in 3 days time, people see it as a miracle, nothing more, and this kid will have a new life. Almost 'resurrected'." Garp ginned wider and walked away. Hogback agreed, "Yes... sir."

-

-

Garp looked at Coby, "Sometimes thing just happen for a reason kid. A series of events that transpired due to whatever effect they mysteriously have on each other..... It's a life of unknowns.... and all we can do is life it and play what it deals us...."

-

-

Ace returned home.

Sanji and Usopp returned to working for the government, they transferred to the North American agency, they like it better over there.

Zoro does what he always did, wander around for whatever score or reason and occasionally ran into Luffy by luck, sometimes plan.

And Luffy and Nami retired from the mercenary business and settled down with their friend Chopper staying close like a younger brother.

-

-

Change, adaption, evolution, shifting, all these words mean the same but to different degrees. To a less extreme, we all know mankind will once again have one of these moments, just how extreme that time of 'change' will be will determine on our faults, choices, and successes. As it turns out, Luffy's body had become so accustomed to this modern world that it has reached that next step. But the completion of that step is still far off, why make a huge change so quickly anyway?

-

Today is How you Make It and Tomorrow Goes on How You Make Today.

That is code to live by.

Especially, if your life is for hire.

End.

~After end~

In a city. In a outside bar.

Srg on the phone, "Ok 500, final offer...... Did I say final? I meant my final being 300........ WELL SCEW YOU!!!"

Dale, Jeff and Marty sitting at a table.

Dale: "That makes no sense! Who the fuck is going to go after a FORMER friend who hates your guts and would rather kill you than say hi? Unless you're like obsessively gay over him."

Marty: "I get it! That part of the story IS stupid, but the subplots and fights are awesome."

Dale: "Eh...... average manga....... at BEST. And I stand by that."

Jeff: "*munch* *munch* Sandwich, sandwich, everyone loves a sandwich."

Lenny and Bobby at another table.

Bobby: "Looks like Srg isn't getting us another job anytime soon."

Lenny: "Good, don't really care."

Bobby: "You know what, I'm tired of this 'futuristic' world scene. I'm ready for change!"

Lenny: "Yeah, but don't worry...... We're cameo OC's now, the people LOVE us. We'll appear in everything. Except lemons."

Bobby: "Yeah... how awkward would that be, the two characters screwing and suddenly one of us pops out of know were with our first line of the day."

Lenny: "Hey... if we're lucky, we might get our own spin-off."

Bobby: "Please.... who is gonna read an OC, OP (original plot) story in a One Piece fan fic section that has NOTHING to do with One Piece AT ALL?"

Lenny: "............No idea.......... It was just a thought."

Bobby: "Well think again man."

Lenny: "You know what we should do before our next cameo appearance?"

Bobby: "What."

Lenny: "Get laid."

Bobby: "......... Fuck yeah!"

Just then two gorgeous women with long black hair walked by. One had shorter jet black hair and a deep tan. While the other had longer hair and much lighter skin. They look at Bobby and Lenny as they continued to walk off.

Bobby and Lenny look at each other..... then look at YOU.

Lenny: "What? You know we had to get Robin in this story SOMEWAY."

Bobby: "Yeah, and Boa Hancock was just a plus.

Lenny: "An AWSOME plus."

Bobby: "See ya."

THE END 


End file.
